01-09-2017, 04:53 AM
Dear Philosopher,
I would also like to offer some thoughts:
I would first like to adress the issues of guilt, shame an inadequacy.
I can fully understand havimg these feelings.
However, you could consider one thing:
There are two possibilities
1 your struggle with sexual identity is a result of imbalance, childhood issues and the likes and can be "resolved".
Even ifit were so, regarding how many issues we all heve that need to be healed and regarding that everyone has tons of stuff to resolve, should you really feel ashamed or guilty?
Even if it were a neurotic issue, it would just be one more thing in human experience that needs healing.
It does in my honest opinion not question your unmeasureable value and beauty as a soul and as a human being! Not the slightest tiny little bit!
2 probably there's just a lot of misunderstanding and confusion and nothing to be changed at all!!!
Even if you were the only human being in existence struggling with the issue, you should be honored as the one working this out for the healing and better understanding of all beings.
That said i would add a few things:
I understand that having no "identity" (in this sexually) or being unsure about ones identity is pretty hard to take.
However, most spiritual seekers especially buddhists strive for resolving the "ego" and thus the "identity". You are already there
at least in this field.
Could you possibly accept this "no identity" state? It would offer you incredible freedom!
Speaking of me as a man, i clearly identify with my male body. I am sexually attracted by woman almost exclusively.
However i have a deep appreciation for the beauty and attractiveness of men.
On a deeper and more emotional level i had and still have a life-long struggle with my "maleness" (couldnt find the correct word in english, sorry).
I would find and still do on ever deeper levels blockaged that i neverknew of.
I would identify withmy male body, but have issues with menin general.
Almost only female friends for i did notgetalong with men, i even disliked men in general for their emotional coldness, their over-intellectualizy, their lack ofcompassion and the likes.
It took very long to find out, that all these "qualities" are not really male. It was justthe way my father was, and i did never question this.
Their are a lot of issues still to be healed on my male side. But im growing, healing and accepting more and more.
On the other hand, i realize that my female "side" ALSO needs healing!
A spiritual ature being would in my opinion have both male and female energies equally developed.
But i think its not only about balancing the male and female side.
I experience myself as a mixture of male and female energies, with the male as well the female enrgie being blocked and distorted in a way.
So i will have to heal both "sides".
Apart from that, i perceive myself as a being a man when im having sexual encounters and on a few other occasions.
But mostly my gender doesnt matterat all.
I am white on the outside, butmy soul has no skin.
I am a man outside but my soul has no sex.
I am 46 physically but my inner being has no age.
I am a human being on the outside but my inner light has no form, only timeless neverchanging awareness and being.
And so does yours!
Blessing, my dear friend!
I would also like to offer some thoughts:
I would first like to adress the issues of guilt, shame an inadequacy.
I can fully understand havimg these feelings.
However, you could consider one thing:
There are two possibilities
1 your struggle with sexual identity is a result of imbalance, childhood issues and the likes and can be "resolved".
Even ifit were so, regarding how many issues we all heve that need to be healed and regarding that everyone has tons of stuff to resolve, should you really feel ashamed or guilty?
Even if it were a neurotic issue, it would just be one more thing in human experience that needs healing.
It does in my honest opinion not question your unmeasureable value and beauty as a soul and as a human being! Not the slightest tiny little bit!
2 probably there's just a lot of misunderstanding and confusion and nothing to be changed at all!!!
Even if you were the only human being in existence struggling with the issue, you should be honored as the one working this out for the healing and better understanding of all beings.
That said i would add a few things:
I understand that having no "identity" (in this sexually) or being unsure about ones identity is pretty hard to take.
However, most spiritual seekers especially buddhists strive for resolving the "ego" and thus the "identity". You are already there
at least in this field.Could you possibly accept this "no identity" state? It would offer you incredible freedom!
Speaking of me as a man, i clearly identify with my male body. I am sexually attracted by woman almost exclusively.
However i have a deep appreciation for the beauty and attractiveness of men.
On a deeper and more emotional level i had and still have a life-long struggle with my "maleness" (couldnt find the correct word in english, sorry).
I would find and still do on ever deeper levels blockaged that i neverknew of.
I would identify withmy male body, but have issues with menin general.
Almost only female friends for i did notgetalong with men, i even disliked men in general for their emotional coldness, their over-intellectualizy, their lack ofcompassion and the likes.
It took very long to find out, that all these "qualities" are not really male. It was justthe way my father was, and i did never question this.
Their are a lot of issues still to be healed on my male side. But im growing, healing and accepting more and more.
On the other hand, i realize that my female "side" ALSO needs healing!
A spiritual ature being would in my opinion have both male and female energies equally developed.
But i think its not only about balancing the male and female side.
I experience myself as a mixture of male and female energies, with the male as well the female enrgie being blocked and distorted in a way.
So i will have to heal both "sides".
Apart from that, i perceive myself as a being a man when im having sexual encounters and on a few other occasions.
But mostly my gender doesnt matterat all.
I am white on the outside, butmy soul has no skin.
I am a man outside but my soul has no sex.
I am 46 physically but my inner being has no age.
I am a human being on the outside but my inner light has no form, only timeless neverchanging awareness and being.
And so does yours!
Blessing, my dear friend!
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