"You create your reality"

[Mahakali]

You literally do what you want every night most likely, but this is not truly what you seek because when it ends you come back to this place and your spirit re-aligns with your body and you become again the mind of this life with a slightly different ego because there is an higher aspect of yourself that does desire to experience this and makes the choice of coming back to this time and space again. I think you can like get out, grow a whole lot in experiences but this window will remain and you will come back to it.

Maybe. My dreams have been strange lately. But as long as I'm connected in hyperspace to s*** that tries to beam images into my mind, it's not a workable solution. Do I exit the body completely and go elsewhere at night? Maybe. If I do, I need to remember to grab some vibrations that will help me out with my current situation.

Also understand that if you want to reach a higher degrees of consciousness, you gotta align yourself with them. This is where ego resistance comes into play. The core of yourself is spirit, your mind is the mirror of your spirit and your body is a creature of this mirror. The ego is a formless construct created from the patterns of the root of the mind. To have 5th density awareness you require to align your mind with your spirit at that vibration and if your ego is driven by lower rays distortions, this obviously does get in the way.
This is where ego death comes into play, ego death can really just be letting go of your resistance to change and instead allow yourself to align with your own spirit when you are provided with a window of opportunity. I think people call those initiations.

Yeah, but I want to really progress, not become demon possessed (again) or be MK-ULTRA'd (again). Thus, unless an entity comes to me and hands me exactly what I want with no strings attached (except maybe a promise to pay them back when I'm able), or the information necessary to progress, then I need to build it on my own.

But I do feel like something is helping me.

The answer is primarily control over the mind. I had access to intelligent infinity, though now it is dulled, because I'm under severe psychic attack. But emotional charge and a projected mental image can overpower literally anything, which is why they try to hard to dull my emotions and close my mind's eye.

But all the correct information is attached to me in hyperspace. If I remember the correct configuration and feel it deeply, it comes back. build momentum from there.

My only real threat is the advanced thoughtforms being projected at me, moreso unconsciously than consciously. I've seen into the minds of the people observing my situation, and the vast majority, even the occultists, are still so dominated by their own subconscious that they have some very deeply programmed distortions, some of which are very new and very trendy, that are creating a powerful gravity in the hyperspace coordinate system (what Ra called negative time/space?).

The important thing to remember is that Ra also mentioned that there are two types of people who could make mountains move...

1. When around 50% of a society vibrates at a level where the notion of moving mountains with thought becomes commonplace, then people can do it with minimal effort.

2. Someone who has purified themselves and made contact with intelligent infinity can do it regardless.

I think the situation we're seeing here is that this society has a very strong subconcious identification with what magick "is" and how it's "supposed to work".

They get the idea that certain people are "chosen", that nobody else will ever get magick powers, that it's okay to accept a life without spiritual development, that "they [the controllers] can't be beaten", magick "requires" certain DNA sequences/neurotransmitters/pineal gland/mitochondria/whatever, that "you can control your heartbeat, but conscious control of DNA has been THOROUGHLY debunked", that "this isn't your life, you're a dog, and we're gods", or "you've been aborted, you're dead, just give up", or, "nope, you're too old now, you missed the window", and when someone does contact intelligent infinity in spite of all that, their response is basically one of bewilderment - "well, yeah, you restored you magick powers, however you did it, but...".

It's based on a subconscious guilt/servant/masochism complex left over from Abrahamic programming (whether such people were raised abrahamic or not) and traces of the counterproductive over-skeptical pseudo-scientific mindset.

They feel like unless you were chosen by a "higher power" (failing to understand that all is essentially one), or have spent decades using many complex equations and mechanical technology, you couldn't possibly contact intelligent infinity, failing to realize that these limitations are created and deepened by their own belief in them.

All I have to do is clap my hands and believe in Tinkerbell, and she comes back to life. f*** y'all adults.

I guess there are more things willing to help you than there are who desire to work "against" you. Sometimes you gotta learn to say yes when you are offered, and ask if you really feel a need for help.
Even if you don't get instant results, just saying "yes" can allow some to work with you over time each time you give them windows they can use.

I've learned my lesson about saying "yes" to any random thing that comes my way. In my experience, there are more who want to use you than to help you. and I'm absolutely fine with being helped and helping something else in return, within reason (meaning, as much as I can afford to help). I'm loyal to a fault..

So if something hands me the patterns I need to be free, I will repay them, but I cannot simply accept a "trust me now, and I'll help you later, I promise", or activate some magickal pattern without being able to see through it.

Why would you want Hell until the universe ends? I think you'd get bored with that kind of game long before then, everyone does.

I don't consciously want that. It's a karmic attachment. I think it'll be all right, but I need to pay attention and get the negative energy out of my body.

What is spiritual development? From a simplistic truth standpoint?

Increasing my mastery of the Mind/Body/Spirit complex until I can master plasmic emanation enough to create what I want in hyperspace, and go from there. For me, I want to create art, and attain levels of power necessary to ensure that I can create art... that's the end goal.

Okay, I will try to help you with more of my ramblings, because I feel that despite your actions there is light in your heart. Maybe it will not be useful to you but then I can only give you what I have available.

I feel like you're only telling me what you think I want to hear.

There is light in my heart, yes, and that light is going to expand. My soul knows how to fix itself; I'm half-nephilim, after all. +100 soul regeneration, +100 magick



As far as my alignment goes, I'm probably closer to chaotic evil than anything, but the "chaotic" is stronger than the "evil". I might work with a lawful evil system, but I might even prefer chaotic good to lawful evil. I'm not totally unempathetic or a complete psychopath, even if I can turn my empathy off, and I like to help people when I can, if I feel like it, which might even be more often than not. I'm also trying to become a stable individual who understands how to interact with others successfully. Decide for yourself if any of that balances out my tendency to champion hatred, insanity, malice, and perversion for the evulz, and my genuine total lack of understanding of the logic behind most human moral systems.

I agree with Aion. I think your heart is saying one thing but your head, another.

If you like being a crazy nigga with negative entities fucking with you...be an out the gate cat.
If you want to stop them exasperating your already negative inclinations...meditate.

The end.

I'm not sure which direction I wanna go. My goal is to become self-sustaining spiritually (and therefore in all others ways).

It'd be wise to stay in the gate while I'm crippled and low on ammo. I could still beat anything that I find out there, perhaps; anything is possible. But I'd rather be comfortable.

But if I do decide to take the first route, and I'm not really sure since I can't see two feet in front of my face atm, then I need to take the second one first. I'm healing.

I see rape everywhere.

I see it everywhere.

No offense, but...

When catcalling, Facebook conversations about buttsex, and mean jokes correlate in your subconscious to real-life rape, you might have more of an obsession with rape than society does, meaning that you're broadcasting that semi-paranoid vibration into the world around you.

If everything looks like rape, you'll find more rape, and you'll create more rape, just based on the metaphysics of the situation.

I agree.