10-20-2010, 02:06 AM
I had a break though on this, and I am apparently supposed to share this since it might be of help to others.
I have been (somewhat off and on) trying various methods to get some understanding since I started this thread without much success until last night.
First a bit of background
Most of my communication with my 'self' is on an emotional/intuitional level. When I pause to think about it feelings that are clearly from outside myself 'comment' - if I am heading the right way I get something along the lines of approval, or pleasure for instance. Never any negative feelings tho, the worst - if I am going 'wrong' is a stony silence. Rarely does anything come unless I focus that way - I am given to understand thats because of a policy of non-interference.
One rare exception was one night when I was feeling pretty low for various reasons and all of a sudden out of nowhere a wave of great love swept over me. It was amazing, I was loved and I loved with every cell in my body.
Now most of the time when I meditate, project love and positive feelings it rather feels like an intellectual exercise, and certainly compared to that sensation it is. Anyway what I finally stumbled on last night is that is what I am supposed to be doing, what I am here to help me with. I am learning control of the physical trigger that brings the entire body into harmony and the act of love. With a couple hours of practice after I finally got the mission I can almost summon it at will, not quite as strong as this first time yet, but getting there and I am told that I am no longer getting 'outside' help to do it.
I don't know how much help that gives the world, but it sure as heck helps me.
I have been (somewhat off and on) trying various methods to get some understanding since I started this thread without much success until last night.
First a bit of background
Most of my communication with my 'self' is on an emotional/intuitional level. When I pause to think about it feelings that are clearly from outside myself 'comment' - if I am heading the right way I get something along the lines of approval, or pleasure for instance. Never any negative feelings tho, the worst - if I am going 'wrong' is a stony silence. Rarely does anything come unless I focus that way - I am given to understand thats because of a policy of non-interference.
One rare exception was one night when I was feeling pretty low for various reasons and all of a sudden out of nowhere a wave of great love swept over me. It was amazing, I was loved and I loved with every cell in my body.
Now most of the time when I meditate, project love and positive feelings it rather feels like an intellectual exercise, and certainly compared to that sensation it is. Anyway what I finally stumbled on last night is that is what I am supposed to be doing, what I am here to help me with. I am learning control of the physical trigger that brings the entire body into harmony and the act of love. With a couple hours of practice after I finally got the mission I can almost summon it at will, not quite as strong as this first time yet, but getting there and I am told that I am no longer getting 'outside' help to do it.
I don't know how much help that gives the world, but it sure as heck helps me.