10-01-2016, 10:10 AM
I practice BDSM (sometimes a fairly intense form thereof) quite frequently, and these are my observations:
1. If completely consensual, this type of activity tends to build up the closeness between parties. It takes a huge amount of trust to allow someone to tie you up and/or inflict pain upon your body. To be willingly vulnerable before someone is an incredibly intimate experience. It's saying "I'm putting my being in your hands." In a SAFE BDSM relationship, the submissive is the one truly in control, as they get to set boundaries ahead of time and call off the activity if it becomes too much for them to take. A good dominant will also check with the submissive throughout the interaction to gauge whether or not they might be getting close to their limits- because they care about the well being of the person in front of them. It is hard to find a level of attentiveness, care and respect higher than what you find in a dominant showing to their submissive during a scene, even if they seem, from an outside perspective, to be expressing the opposite. It should also be noted that the D/s relationship is generally regarded as a sort of role play- personality costumes that are put on and taken off within a specified time frame. It is a way of experimenting with different emotional factors in a safe, consensual way. I've known a few people who pursued literal slavery, going so far as to sign contracts and considering themselves the genuine property of another person- a practice I don't think is healthy and probably speaks of underlying psychological issues- but those sorts of cases are rare exceptions in the world of people who find enjoyment out of some form of BDSM.
2. I went through some messed up s*** as a kid- situations where I felt utterly powerless. These traumatic situations impacted my psychology for years to come and to a degree still influence my behavior. BDSM has been a very educational experience when it comes to exploring these emotions that for a long time I just hid in the closet. There is something cathartic about acting out feelings from my past, within a completely different mindset. To replace the things I felt in the past with their opposite- terror and helplessness with confidence and trust. Instead of hating myself as I did when I was a child, I feel sexy, uninhibited, free to express myself to my own very limits without the fear of judgment or reprisal. It's done more to heal old wounds than any therapist or pill has. I know other people who channel the energy of BDSM activities in similar ways as well. One magician I know uses it in ritual magic to "break himself down" so that he can be open to new growth and ultimately build himself back up stronger.
3. There is also just a primal feeling of release in giving up control for a while. Take this situation: A big shot army general, who has hundreds of people jumping at his command. He is powerful, respected, even feared...and he greatly enjoys groveling before a dominatrix- a common woman from a poor family- in private. For him, it is a chance to momentarily lay down the responsibility that weighs upon him every hour of the day. For just a short while he doesn't have to be an icon whose every word or action can decide the fate of nations. He can just be a man, following all the primal impulses that come with being such. And for the woman, it is a chance to feel powerful and respected in a world where she otherwise feels powerless and ignored. Both of them get something out of it without affecting their overall character. I am a person who tends to micromanage her life. I often find myself in leadership positions even though I don't seek them, simply because of my ability to organize information, manage resources and finish tasks in an efficient way. At times being seen in this way feels overwhelming- I fear that if I fail at something, I am not only letting myself down, but everyone depending on me as well. Being able to set all that down at the feet of my "master" at the end of the day is honestly quite refreshing, and when I pick up those reins again, I do so with renewed vigor.
So you see, there is much more to this type of interaction than just raw power play (excluding those who use it specifically for that reason). Those truly familiar with the art will realize that there is a fine exchange of a great many delicate emotions at work, and, like pretty much everything in the world, where that energy truly goes is decided by those utilizing it.
1. If completely consensual, this type of activity tends to build up the closeness between parties. It takes a huge amount of trust to allow someone to tie you up and/or inflict pain upon your body. To be willingly vulnerable before someone is an incredibly intimate experience. It's saying "I'm putting my being in your hands." In a SAFE BDSM relationship, the submissive is the one truly in control, as they get to set boundaries ahead of time and call off the activity if it becomes too much for them to take. A good dominant will also check with the submissive throughout the interaction to gauge whether or not they might be getting close to their limits- because they care about the well being of the person in front of them. It is hard to find a level of attentiveness, care and respect higher than what you find in a dominant showing to their submissive during a scene, even if they seem, from an outside perspective, to be expressing the opposite. It should also be noted that the D/s relationship is generally regarded as a sort of role play- personality costumes that are put on and taken off within a specified time frame. It is a way of experimenting with different emotional factors in a safe, consensual way. I've known a few people who pursued literal slavery, going so far as to sign contracts and considering themselves the genuine property of another person- a practice I don't think is healthy and probably speaks of underlying psychological issues- but those sorts of cases are rare exceptions in the world of people who find enjoyment out of some form of BDSM.
2. I went through some messed up s*** as a kid- situations where I felt utterly powerless. These traumatic situations impacted my psychology for years to come and to a degree still influence my behavior. BDSM has been a very educational experience when it comes to exploring these emotions that for a long time I just hid in the closet. There is something cathartic about acting out feelings from my past, within a completely different mindset. To replace the things I felt in the past with their opposite- terror and helplessness with confidence and trust. Instead of hating myself as I did when I was a child, I feel sexy, uninhibited, free to express myself to my own very limits without the fear of judgment or reprisal. It's done more to heal old wounds than any therapist or pill has. I know other people who channel the energy of BDSM activities in similar ways as well. One magician I know uses it in ritual magic to "break himself down" so that he can be open to new growth and ultimately build himself back up stronger.
3. There is also just a primal feeling of release in giving up control for a while. Take this situation: A big shot army general, who has hundreds of people jumping at his command. He is powerful, respected, even feared...and he greatly enjoys groveling before a dominatrix- a common woman from a poor family- in private. For him, it is a chance to momentarily lay down the responsibility that weighs upon him every hour of the day. For just a short while he doesn't have to be an icon whose every word or action can decide the fate of nations. He can just be a man, following all the primal impulses that come with being such. And for the woman, it is a chance to feel powerful and respected in a world where she otherwise feels powerless and ignored. Both of them get something out of it without affecting their overall character. I am a person who tends to micromanage her life. I often find myself in leadership positions even though I don't seek them, simply because of my ability to organize information, manage resources and finish tasks in an efficient way. At times being seen in this way feels overwhelming- I fear that if I fail at something, I am not only letting myself down, but everyone depending on me as well. Being able to set all that down at the feet of my "master" at the end of the day is honestly quite refreshing, and when I pick up those reins again, I do so with renewed vigor.
So you see, there is much more to this type of interaction than just raw power play (excluding those who use it specifically for that reason). Those truly familiar with the art will realize that there is a fine exchange of a great many delicate emotions at work, and, like pretty much everything in the world, where that energy truly goes is decided by those utilizing it.
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