my mental illness and medication are ruining my life

[GreatSpirit]

I have bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and right now things are getting intense. Im always angry and pissed off at my two sisters and their kids i live with. I dont like it and i cant help it, i want to love them but i cant. I know im a good person its just something in the way.

Further one of my medications - seroquel causes extreme drowsiness and is sometimes used as a sleeping pill in low doses. But im prescribed it for my mentality, and i take obsurd high doses to mask my violent / psychotic tendencies. My family doesnt understand and refuses to do their own research and label me lazy for sleeping around ten hrs a day avg and being on disability. In fact, i just got physical with a sister because she said all i do is sleep all day and was outside my room, in living room talking about me negatively with her daughter. I was doing my best to ignore it but something took over and i started screaming nonsense about how i cant help it and whatnot at them and my sister tried punching me a few times because i was so angry and i pushed her really hard away and she fell down, but not badly. Now im sitting her verge of tears and dont know what to do. ..ive been suicidal for a long time and just want it now more than ever. I need my brother and sisters of sorrows help

Sounds like living with your family is a trigger. I'm sorry to hear that.

However, most grown adults wouldn't like living with their family and clashes will occur even amongst best friends when living together.

I can't give advise about meds, but since you did mention disability, do you think you can move out of there and into a building where you have to be on disability or retirement? You could live by yourself. My dad lived in one of those for a few years until his end. It's not like the low income crime ridden projects either.

But once a reaction turns into a physical altercation, it's time to go no matter what kind of illness you have. Don't take this the wrong way, but this is precisely why we have mental hospitals. I'd seriously look into getting your own place.