Bouts of hating myself

[Aion]

Funny, my advice would be the opposite of most here. I think you should mentally indulge in your fantasies of harm, following through with them in visualization and imagination. See how you feel after you do such a thing, even only mentally and I think you will find yourself naturally becoming less likely to have those feelings.

Only after you have fully explored these desires mentally do I then think you should apply the practices of balancing and forgiveness, but the first task is to properly know yourself before you can accept yourself.