Spazzing out..need insight..HELP!

[anagogy]

Was this experience a lie? 

First off, whoever told you were evil and that your heart was dark and that it repelled people was dead wrong. UNLESS you chose to *believe* them, in which case, those things could very well appear to play out in your experience. But that doesn't make them permanent parts of you.

You don't have to give your power away by placing your powerful faith in these limiting beliefs.

If you'll notice, the experiences that coalesce in your life merely reflect your dominant emotions. When you seem to be lost, alone, and unlucky it is because you FELT that way prior to those things coalescing as real world experiences. You are NOT at the mercy of outward events. You are a powerful extension of the creator.

You have to change the feelings if you want to change the experiences. Create a new reality, a new experience, a new ground for life and being. You have to imagine how it would feel to be the way you want to be, to have the experiences you want to have, and then entrain to that feeling. To the degree that belief diverges from desire, you will feel BAD. By reaching for better feelings, you can gradually change beliefs. It is the backdoor to manifestation. All beliefs start out as thoughts, which are just focuses of consciousness -- focuses of attention. Don't force it, just gently try to generate the feeling and hold it. After enough attention is poured into anything, it inevitably becomes more vivid, becomes more real. You start to believe it.

It won't happen instantaneously, but if you sincerely reach for a better feeling place every day, reach for a visceral sense of "relief", your life has to gradually change to a better one. All is well to the extent that you believe it, and I know it is easier said than done, but the path is still the same.