10-08-2010, 01:35 AM
Hi there, BT.
Very sorry to hear of your suffering. Sounds very lonely.
I'm not sure this'll help you any, but here are some thoughts.
In my view, folks who incarnate on this "planetary sphere" at this time who have had a lot of prior experience can have much difficulty integrating everything into a coherent, reasonable life. Distant experiences, sensibilities and the like can loom close and cause much interference and confusion. This has certainly been my experience over the years.
One of the hardest things about it--which can eventually become one of the most productive--is that the intense loneliness can be a goad to compel one to open up to one's internal resources. Indeed, according to the Ra ideology, this is the whole point of making us "complex," i.e., dis-joining our conscious and unconscious selves in the context of this terrestrial fun house.
In practical terms, I'm trying to suggest that you can look at these experiences as nudges to provoke you to turn inward and seek your own spiritual "guidance system" and cultivate more trust in your own personal connection to Divinity.
The Ra & Q'uo complexes tirelessly enjoin us to sit in silence and seek the Creatrix. This is easier said than done--obviously!--but it offers you some sense of direction in, shall we say, your wanderings.
I have to say that I, personally, have both embraced and resisted this with great effort for many years. And I'm still doing so as I type this, in a way. I've had very strong fears of giving up too much (identity, for example); but, looking back, this is by far the strongest, most tangible direction I could recommend to anyone.
Having typed all this, now I feel a strong desire to do something I usually forget about, to wit, sit back and simply relax into the the loving light of the spiritual beings which support me. Oddly, I find I really have to consciously guide myself to do such or else I'll just blow it off owing, I suspect, to fears similar to your fear of the darkness. I don't know why else I would be averse to something so good. I chalk it up to fear of my darker inclinations, something I've spent much time working through.
It's a lot easier to do this when I'm not upset or frightened--such as at this moment. To do so in those times requires some command over one's nervous system. So, until you develope some of that, you might try doing this at times when the darkness does not feel so threatening.
Again, I would suggest that you'd be hard pressed to come up with a direction of travel more productive and fulfilling in the long run.
I suspect that lasting happiness and peace accompany a deep experience of and trust in one's spiritual supporters or, put another way, one's experience of self when in tune with that transcendent support.
I wish you the best.
Very sorry to hear of your suffering. Sounds very lonely.
I'm not sure this'll help you any, but here are some thoughts.
In my view, folks who incarnate on this "planetary sphere" at this time who have had a lot of prior experience can have much difficulty integrating everything into a coherent, reasonable life. Distant experiences, sensibilities and the like can loom close and cause much interference and confusion. This has certainly been my experience over the years.
One of the hardest things about it--which can eventually become one of the most productive--is that the intense loneliness can be a goad to compel one to open up to one's internal resources. Indeed, according to the Ra ideology, this is the whole point of making us "complex," i.e., dis-joining our conscious and unconscious selves in the context of this terrestrial fun house.
In practical terms, I'm trying to suggest that you can look at these experiences as nudges to provoke you to turn inward and seek your own spiritual "guidance system" and cultivate more trust in your own personal connection to Divinity.
The Ra & Q'uo complexes tirelessly enjoin us to sit in silence and seek the Creatrix. This is easier said than done--obviously!--but it offers you some sense of direction in, shall we say, your wanderings.
I have to say that I, personally, have both embraced and resisted this with great effort for many years. And I'm still doing so as I type this, in a way. I've had very strong fears of giving up too much (identity, for example); but, looking back, this is by far the strongest, most tangible direction I could recommend to anyone.
Having typed all this, now I feel a strong desire to do something I usually forget about, to wit, sit back and simply relax into the the loving light of the spiritual beings which support me. Oddly, I find I really have to consciously guide myself to do such or else I'll just blow it off owing, I suspect, to fears similar to your fear of the darkness. I don't know why else I would be averse to something so good. I chalk it up to fear of my darker inclinations, something I've spent much time working through.
It's a lot easier to do this when I'm not upset or frightened--such as at this moment. To do so in those times requires some command over one's nervous system. So, until you develope some of that, you might try doing this at times when the darkness does not feel so threatening.
Again, I would suggest that you'd be hard pressed to come up with a direction of travel more productive and fulfilling in the long run.
I suspect that lasting happiness and peace accompany a deep experience of and trust in one's spiritual supporters or, put another way, one's experience of self when in tune with that transcendent support.
I wish you the best.