How do you prove you're real?

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Oh, also, can I just express the great irony that your actual choice to deal with a fist-fight would be to SHOOT them.

I said I wouldn't actually, it's just the first feeling I get when subjected to violence in person and not in person.  There is a very real part of me that definitely feels hatred towards violence enough to walk in hypocrisy and desire to snuff it out.  Akin to wanting to destroy half the planet in a Nazi Genocide against Monsters and Ass Holes, followed by a prompt self-murder of the last monster left once the rest are gone, being myself...  You should watch the ending of Code Geass, it sums up my desire somewhat plainly enough what with everything else that happens in that anime.

But, IN REALITY (not MY MIND), my first response is to GET AWAY.  The addition of a desire to snuff it out further screams at me to just get away.

I don't want murder on my belt.  That I do it in my mind and half my life in video games is good enough for me.  I don't want to be murdered, I don't want to murder thusly so.

But when I see someone getting beaten down, I do want to murder.  I just have the mental faculties to know that desire is a big screwy can of worms that I intentionally plan to die over not opening if I must.

I can't make that more clear.  If I were put in that position of two people strapped to a chair with a gun pointing at each other and the option to kill the other person to live, I'd just resign myself to death.

I don't even want to kill in self defense, it's why I don't own a gun, or even a defense knife.  It's why I want to learn martial arts and not how to shoot a gun.

I just figure, be honest.  It's you guys.  Yes, violence makes me respond mentally in my mind with MORE VIOLENCE, fight the fire with a bigger fire and burn it all down! The way the world ends.

Of course that's my first thought, I don't have the living experience to know firsthand the utter horror that comes with murder, or the living experience to know patience with cruel violence. I'm a naive idiot my friend.