Letting go of the Law of One, Sorry.

[The_Tired_Philosopher]

Min, it's a weird way of explaining it, I'm not literally rejecting it's existence, I'm just proclaiming outwardly that I do not want to be that, almost as if secretly begging my higher self to pleaaassse not send that catalyst my way.  I call it 'rejecting it' because in a way it is me saying I do not want this experience please do not send it my way, I reject it in mind.  I accept such and such, even if I disagree with the manner of learning, and in that acceptance and understanding I KNOW I DO NOT WANT THAT.

So, dear Higher Self, DO-NOT-WANT, DO-NOT-SEND, THANK-YOU

Jade, how does one come to accept unacceptable situations?  I understand it's personal for everyone but there's got to be some kind of common ground for us all, being Human's and all, you know?

I hope I can help. Acceptance is actually natural, and just letting things happen without feeling like you need to control them. Or that the world is on your shoulders. This is a collective reality, after all, overseen by many others who help us develop. It's painful for a reason and we know and understand this before we incarnate.

Do you have anyone you've ever loved unconditionally? Like a parent, a friend, a partner, a pet? Someone who, in your eyes, could do no wrong? Use this as a jumping off point. When you see someone doing something bad, imagine if it were you loved one doing it, and notice how your feelings of "acceptance" shift. If it was a pet, think - if this buddy of mine incarnating from this into 3D, and he was having a tough time through some of his lifetimes, and so he started to act out and perpetrate some bad things, how mad would I be? Would I be slightly more understanding than I am of a stranger?

You can also try this. It's a quick, easy meditation. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in, and accept everything as it is, in the moment, as perfect. Just let the feeling flow into you, no resistance - I mean, if you can get to a place where you can do this sort of thing, it's a relatively peaceful situation. All is well. All is perfect. You accept it. Breathe in the acceptance and perfection, and then let it back out in an extended breathe. Repeat for a total of 10 times. If you can do it, things like this can create a perception shift, even if temporary. Endorphins flow into the brain. It's what happens when we breathe deeply and meditate, at a chemical level.

That said, if you need something for your monkey-brain to be occupied with, start learning about the latest scientific research about how meditation changes (increases) your brain function. Maybe it'll motivate you more.

I read a study of 100 ways meditation helps you, a condensed list of medical studies on meditation.  It's a good start, my problem is silencing my frustration when I can't silence a song repeating and sounding up over and over in my mind, or accept an emotion that pops up randomly and balance it or let it go or let it go through me.

I used to do exactly what you said, but I'd use my newborn son at the time...  Now that it's been so long since I've seen him or gotten to know anything about him.  I don't actually have anyone like that anymore.  I don't feel those ways towards anyone anymore, I used to feel those ways towards most people in a shallow sense of 'attempting to love them' to be loving but in a deep and personal sense, I don't know what that feels like anymore after several years of being basically alone emotionally, since I began working graveyard shifts I have become pretty isolated, which has led to continuing to do so by choice because...

I'm just different from everyone, it's not a matter of acceptance, it IS general consensus reality, I'm weird.  I'm the loner type, I'm silent and introverted to a powerful degree, I can go weeks without talking to any of my friends and I'd have no problem with it.  I think I accidentally really pissed off my girlfriend by being this way even.  I just have nothing to talk about to people that I feel they'd actually talk with me on.  I want to talk about life, existence, metaphysics, the why's, the how's, I don't want to talk about football or baseball, I don't want to talk about your truck you've decked out or how you smoke weed er'day.  I don't want to talk on the trivial everyday things.  I want to reflect on each other's past or future.

I say I want love, it's three sided.  I want a lover (to be loved personally).  I want to love (to love personally or not), I want to provide love (to provide the joy of love).  It's easier when you can feel it, perceive it, conduct and invoke and provide it.  So much more so when you have someone to keep you fresh in that seat of love.

That used to be my son, then for a while it was everyone when the loving memory's of my son were soured by a big fight with my ex over my son.  Then most memories where I had accepted everything I had thought of up to that moment and accepted it all as bringing me to the blissful moment I was in were no longer useful, I tried to just go off of the Love all around me, that worked for so long up until April.

Isolation and Solitude tread a fine line, solitude is healthy, isolation is not.  I am basically isolated.  I have basically this forum, facebook, and two friends I see maybe once a week.  For living with my Mom I see her for maybe an hour or two every day and she complains about work and I just fear for the endless list of tasks she wants me to do that I have no idea how to do or desire to do.  We don't really talk, I don't even know my mom or how to talk to her.  I've tried to before, the inability to say anything to her is because I honestly am more fearful of what she has to say than anything, she's blamed her misery on me countless times and to this day blames me for her impending death.

It's hard to continually find love with such thoughts and situations in the background.

It's why I don't know what to do.  What does someone like me do?  I want to be alone more often than not, I'm sensitize to people incredibly so.  It took being alone to realize that.  Now that I'm aware of it, I'm much more in tune to how others affect me, and the result is unpleasant generally.  I don't know how to deal with that beyond having a constantly accepting and open personality which is exhausting to someone like me who is more used to being himself completely alone, who is in complete reflective honesty a weird fluking person.

I talk to myself in mirrors and have deep in depth personal discussions and rants and contemplation's with myself like I'm four different people providing various different angles of input.  Because I'm so alone and have so few people to discuss what I've discovered I like that I basically have to fulfill my social needs by myself, a somewhat impossible feat that requires one to get used to ones self in ways that turn out aren't exactly healthy for maintaining a personal identity.

Which I is me?  Why is isolation a theme of my life?  I want help but the resources I seek aren't very present in regards to what I'm looking for, actual interaction face to face with a loving person when I'm in a state of mind that won't ruin the experience for myself.

By they're so far and in between...  I've similarly become so judgmental without second thought to just silence and quell my frustrated lack of fulfillment as I question why I'm the way I am forcing me to be alone just to be happy only I'm not happy all by myself.

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.  That's how confused things have become for me. What is it to do anything stated when I lack the most important resource of any kind of work apparently, that being Others?

I have to go off of endless strangers picking up for the 2 minutes I interact with each of them whatever there is to pick up.  I can't have in depth discussion with others except here on this forum, with people miles away beyond chance of meeting without expending money, and even then.

I don't even think anyone here would really get to know me, since I really am not the same in person as I am on a forum.  I'm quiet, timid.  Sometimes if I start talking, I talk a lot and get annoying.  I'm pretty oblivious, back and forth or I give off the wierdo vibes, and I can feel it happening and I don't know how to stop making the other person perceive me as a wierdo, I don't know how to not care about it.  I used to like being weird, and now it just makes me feel lonely.

So.  I don't really.  Know how to handle prolonged isolation and the effects of desyncing me to society it brings.  Furthermore, I'm so exhausted by people, by the people just looking at me, dancing around me in small talk, not being direct, or just plainly not caring at all.  Just, the usual when I'm out in public, and I can't stand it.

I feel like I'm the only sane person in a world of insanity sometimes, and sometimes I feel like I'm a paranoid schizophrenic in a world where I'm actually the sane person and society has just been conditioned to think backwards, where sane people appear insane, and insane people appear sane.

And I'm so seclusive because I just want to be unconditionally accepted like I've done for so many in person, and it never happens in person.  It makes every single encounter exhausting, having to deal with the emotional rounds of wondering why people don't care, wondering why I slowly more and more cease to care, why people would rather hate than love, why I slowly lose the sensation of love and feel like I'm settling in a quiet black dank place of loneliness just to feel accepted because finally there's no one rejecting me inside of themselves, causing me to slowly reject everyone else inside of me.

I don't know if it's the job I work or where I live but my daily interactions with people are impersonal and generally not very spectacular.

I have a better time just trying to accept everything as is at the present moment, but I want to be able to do as I used to do, the circumstances aren't even that different, it is literally me being unable to be as I want to be.  I could take a day job, but I'm scared too.

I could be more sociable, but it's so exhausting I don't want to be.

Maybe I want my cake but want to eat it too, if that's how the saying goes.