09-15-2010, 02:36 PM
I know, I know, I'm hinging a lot on dreams lately...it just seems like there's so much to learn there, in that mysterious place we go when we sleep. I felt that this most recent dream was of a nature different enough to constitute its own thread, as my reaction to it was very different than it was to the pleasant, inspiring dreams I have been entertaining lately.
I have been having dreams of this particular nature for years now, and I'm never quite sure what to make of them. The key theme through all of them seems to be a forceful invasion of my body...something breaking into my energy fields and manipulating me like a puppet. It shares similar qualities to episodes of sleep paralysis that I've had, but in these dreams I am not paralyzed, but moving quite a bit, sometimes in ways that would not be natural for a human body to move. The sights I see while in this state are very vivid...no dark room with blurry figures and an untraceable sense of terror, but an experience that feels more solid and real than waking life itself.
I lucid dream quite often, but these produce an entirely different feeling. I always have a hard time accepting that none of it actually happened because the sensory data I acquire in these states is phenomenal. When I do wake up from these dreams, I usually feel sick and completely drained, as if I didn't even sleep at all. I've had them so often that they no longer scare me, but I would very much like to figure out what is causing them and what I could learn from them...what lesson is being offered here, because it is a very unpleasant experience.
I will describe my latest episode to paint a clear picture of how many of these experiences progress:
Today, laying in bed, I was freezing cold, especially my feet, so I got up and put some socks on. However, I have the tendency to kick my socks off in my sleep, and when I woke up later one of my socks was hanging halfway off my foot. Then I felt a hand take my foot and someone was putting the sock back on it. At first I thought it was my husband, but I could feel him lying next to me. I sort of lifted up my head and looked down and I saw this blackish-green humanoid shape standing at the foot of the bed. I could see the energy swirling within the shadow...it reminded me of the colors you see when you press your palms over your eyes for a good while.
I found this a little strange, but decided to just go back to sleep. If someone wanted to stop by and put my socks back on for me, who was I to get upset about it? I sort of drifted out again and then something just slid into my body. It felt like a complete merging of consciousness...as if my every cell and thought was merging with well...whatever presence it was that was going into my body. Too weird to fully explain.
I sat up and leaned over my husband. I put my mouth on his neck and started sucking out his energy. It was a very enjoyable experience. He was so *warm* and alive...it was like drinking honey. He sort of whimpered and I suddenly realized this was likely to hurt him so I stopped, and then all hell broke loose. That seamless connection started breaking up and it felt like something was tugging at me in all directions, like something beneath my skin was going to explode out. I started getting pulled off the bed and was struggling with all my might to stay on the bed. I was trying to scream to my husband to help me, but all that came out was this hoarse whisper.
I got yanked off the bed really hard and wound up in the corner of the room. I can so clearly remember lying on the floor, looking up through the little stream of light coming through the curtains, staring at my husband who was simply lying there. I wanted to crawl back to the bed, but instead I got up and leapt into the air, landing right on top of my husband. He opened his eyes and stared at me, but his face was completely blank. There was no registration of what was going on.
After that I was simply lying next to him again, feeling really horrible. I asked him later if he noticed me thrashing about or anything, and he said no.
I would really just like to discover the root of these experiences. I have tossed around the idea that it is some separated part of my personality trying to get attention. I have been working hard lately to try to integrate all the parts of myself I've repressed and ignored over the years, especially since my personality shattered into multiple pieces during my sophomore year of college. I've also wondered if I'm having some kind of out of body experience...if this stuff is happening on the astral planes but to me it still seems to be on the physical plane? I have no idea. I send love to whatever influence from inside or outside causes this experience and try to learn from it, but it keeps happening pretty consistently. Any thoughts on what could be creating these dream disturbances and how I could use this catalyst to polarize toward the positive?
I have been having dreams of this particular nature for years now, and I'm never quite sure what to make of them. The key theme through all of them seems to be a forceful invasion of my body...something breaking into my energy fields and manipulating me like a puppet. It shares similar qualities to episodes of sleep paralysis that I've had, but in these dreams I am not paralyzed, but moving quite a bit, sometimes in ways that would not be natural for a human body to move. The sights I see while in this state are very vivid...no dark room with blurry figures and an untraceable sense of terror, but an experience that feels more solid and real than waking life itself.
I lucid dream quite often, but these produce an entirely different feeling. I always have a hard time accepting that none of it actually happened because the sensory data I acquire in these states is phenomenal. When I do wake up from these dreams, I usually feel sick and completely drained, as if I didn't even sleep at all. I've had them so often that they no longer scare me, but I would very much like to figure out what is causing them and what I could learn from them...what lesson is being offered here, because it is a very unpleasant experience.
I will describe my latest episode to paint a clear picture of how many of these experiences progress:
Today, laying in bed, I was freezing cold, especially my feet, so I got up and put some socks on. However, I have the tendency to kick my socks off in my sleep, and when I woke up later one of my socks was hanging halfway off my foot. Then I felt a hand take my foot and someone was putting the sock back on it. At first I thought it was my husband, but I could feel him lying next to me. I sort of lifted up my head and looked down and I saw this blackish-green humanoid shape standing at the foot of the bed. I could see the energy swirling within the shadow...it reminded me of the colors you see when you press your palms over your eyes for a good while.
I found this a little strange, but decided to just go back to sleep. If someone wanted to stop by and put my socks back on for me, who was I to get upset about it? I sort of drifted out again and then something just slid into my body. It felt like a complete merging of consciousness...as if my every cell and thought was merging with well...whatever presence it was that was going into my body. Too weird to fully explain.
I sat up and leaned over my husband. I put my mouth on his neck and started sucking out his energy. It was a very enjoyable experience. He was so *warm* and alive...it was like drinking honey. He sort of whimpered and I suddenly realized this was likely to hurt him so I stopped, and then all hell broke loose. That seamless connection started breaking up and it felt like something was tugging at me in all directions, like something beneath my skin was going to explode out. I started getting pulled off the bed and was struggling with all my might to stay on the bed. I was trying to scream to my husband to help me, but all that came out was this hoarse whisper.
I got yanked off the bed really hard and wound up in the corner of the room. I can so clearly remember lying on the floor, looking up through the little stream of light coming through the curtains, staring at my husband who was simply lying there. I wanted to crawl back to the bed, but instead I got up and leapt into the air, landing right on top of my husband. He opened his eyes and stared at me, but his face was completely blank. There was no registration of what was going on.
After that I was simply lying next to him again, feeling really horrible. I asked him later if he noticed me thrashing about or anything, and he said no.
I would really just like to discover the root of these experiences. I have tossed around the idea that it is some separated part of my personality trying to get attention. I have been working hard lately to try to integrate all the parts of myself I've repressed and ignored over the years, especially since my personality shattered into multiple pieces during my sophomore year of college. I've also wondered if I'm having some kind of out of body experience...if this stuff is happening on the astral planes but to me it still seems to be on the physical plane? I have no idea. I send love to whatever influence from inside or outside causes this experience and try to learn from it, but it keeps happening pretty consistently. Any thoughts on what could be creating these dream disturbances and how I could use this catalyst to polarize toward the positive?