10-19-2015, 12:19 PM
(10-19-2015, 12:06 PM)upensmoke Wrote: In my opinion the best thing you can go do is experience new things. For example i didn't know that the idea of going to college wasn't my own until i actually experienced college. I was able to be aware that i'm only here because other people said i should be here. I recommend you Think of an action you haven't done then do it. You say your a loner right ? well start experiencing what its like to not be a loner. for example make it a goal to talk to two new people everyday. just a simple hello or go as far as trying to be friends. With every action you take you gain experience, which when "contemplated/meditated" on will yeild new info about yourself.
I feel your problem is not in the thinking part because it seems like you have that down, but you just need new experiences to think about. A good example is someone who traveled the world would have more experience than someone who only sat in their own backyard. From that, the person who traveled the world would more than likely have a better understanding of themselves as opposed to the person who never left their back yard.
But . . . I, I don't like people in general. Most everyone is okay but I just don't feel comfortable around people unless its like a party where I can just relax with some friends. Rather I am scared of how people will think of me as well. I don't really want to go through the rounds of social etiquette anymore. Of feeling like I'm constructed of learned behaviors and professionally followed ones...
When I really just want to be in my comfy clothes, quietly in the night enjoying the world devoid of people. Or trying.to.instead of not looking forward to seeing a lot of people. Or enjoying sunrises and stargazing, thinking about things of the metaphysical nature. I know I love metaphysics, they're just fun in my brain.
So. Its why I'm confused on how to go about just being. You guys are telling me to sort of stop being who I am in order to be who I actually am which is apparently not who I am right now but who I actually am. So, how would I go about shedding these not me biases and preferences?
I don't like society. Its cruel.