09-12-2010, 12:25 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-12-2010, 12:32 PM by Questioner.)
Hi ts, thank you for joining us.
I think you have weak personal boundaries. This is like a leaky roof, or poorly insulated walls. In a storm, wind and water will blow inside. Sounds like thoughts and feelings from other people get inside of you. If you had a leaky boat, it would not be very much fun to sail around the bay.
Fairyfarmgirl can help you learn about the concept of spiritual cords, where someone else's inner life is "plugged in" to you, hooked-in with your own energy getting sucked out, and other people's mental activity flooding into your own personal space.
If this is accurate, then it makes sense that relationships would be difficult to maintain. You would not want to have visitors at your boat, or your house, if your guests routinely chopped holes in the wall. Or if you had a habit of doing this yourself, inadvertently.
Build the integrity of your own walls and roof. Then you can make a better choice about how much you want to share your life. You can really only choose hospitality or hermit time if your space is your own. If you are "just not interested" in getting oppressed with other people's mental activity, then that is a boundary issue not a moral choice issue.
The official definition of social phobia is here: http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/social_phobia.htm
I don't see how that would be relevant to what you described. The official definition refers to fears of being watched or judged.
Avoidant refers to avoiding social activity because of fear of shame or ridicule. http://www.psychnet-uk.com/clinical_psyc...oidant.htm But that doesn't sound like what you described either.
Instead of trying to put a label on your experience right now, I feel it might help to just clarify your situation. It sounds like you do not have much interest in building relationships, and also that this bothers you. You feel that you should have different feelings. Explore more about what all this means to you, and you will be able to discover the core of the contradiction.
Either you should change your ways, or you should put fewer shoulds on yourself. Right now the situation is like coastal morning fog. All is blurry until the fog burns off to a clear day.
As for dealing with your son, how about a simple dialog to open conversation?
- I'm reading this unusual book of spiritual philosophy.
- It claims that the purpose of life is that we should make a choice to serve others, loving, helping supporting them, or to be hard-core selfish S.O.B.'s.
- It also says that if we don't "polarize" one way or the other in this life, we'll reincarnate until we do make this choice.
- What do you think about that?
By the way I should include my 2 standard disclaimers.
1. I'm not the Questioner of the Ra books, Don Elkins, but chose my user name to honor his work and life.
2. If anything I have to say is helpful to you, please enjoy it in your own way. If anything I say does not resonate to you as true and useful, please feel free to set it aside.
I think you have weak personal boundaries. This is like a leaky roof, or poorly insulated walls. In a storm, wind and water will blow inside. Sounds like thoughts and feelings from other people get inside of you. If you had a leaky boat, it would not be very much fun to sail around the bay.
Fairyfarmgirl can help you learn about the concept of spiritual cords, where someone else's inner life is "plugged in" to you, hooked-in with your own energy getting sucked out, and other people's mental activity flooding into your own personal space.
If this is accurate, then it makes sense that relationships would be difficult to maintain. You would not want to have visitors at your boat, or your house, if your guests routinely chopped holes in the wall. Or if you had a habit of doing this yourself, inadvertently.
Build the integrity of your own walls and roof. Then you can make a better choice about how much you want to share your life. You can really only choose hospitality or hermit time if your space is your own. If you are "just not interested" in getting oppressed with other people's mental activity, then that is a boundary issue not a moral choice issue.
The official definition of social phobia is here: http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/social_phobia.htm
I don't see how that would be relevant to what you described. The official definition refers to fears of being watched or judged.
Avoidant refers to avoiding social activity because of fear of shame or ridicule. http://www.psychnet-uk.com/clinical_psyc...oidant.htm But that doesn't sound like what you described either.
Instead of trying to put a label on your experience right now, I feel it might help to just clarify your situation. It sounds like you do not have much interest in building relationships, and also that this bothers you. You feel that you should have different feelings. Explore more about what all this means to you, and you will be able to discover the core of the contradiction.
Either you should change your ways, or you should put fewer shoulds on yourself. Right now the situation is like coastal morning fog. All is blurry until the fog burns off to a clear day.
As for dealing with your son, how about a simple dialog to open conversation?
- I'm reading this unusual book of spiritual philosophy.
- It claims that the purpose of life is that we should make a choice to serve others, loving, helping supporting them, or to be hard-core selfish S.O.B.'s.
- It also says that if we don't "polarize" one way or the other in this life, we'll reincarnate until we do make this choice.
- What do you think about that?
By the way I should include my 2 standard disclaimers.
1. I'm not the Questioner of the Ra books, Don Elkins, but chose my user name to honor his work and life.
2. If anything I have to say is helpful to you, please enjoy it in your own way. If anything I say does not resonate to you as true and useful, please feel free to set it aside.