09-14-2015, 08:29 AM
(This post was last modified: 09-14-2015, 08:30 AM by rva_jeremy.)
Hey TTP, thank you so much for sharing. I know how personal and closeted much of this is. I've had similar struggles, but I'm not sure I could nearly as a fine a point on it as you have.
Try to keep in mind that there are experiences we have that do not make sense to us in the moment and won't for years to come. I've found that "that which is not needed falls away". Overcoming something as potent as sexual desire just charges the whole thing with guilt and self-judgment.
Instead, allow yourself to experience it, to get tired of it, to notice how fake and manipulative it is. My experience is that it takes SO MUCH EFFORT to use porn, because you're constantly looking for something more extreme or satisfying. You can't keep it up indefinitely, so I think it's better to exhaust the need than to introduce some discipline in an emotion complex that is already so tortured and tied up in itself.
One thing that's new in my experience is the power of asking. We can ask to have a different experience. It's not about "deliver me from sexual addiction" or anything like that. You're not asking to escape, but you are asking to see with new eyes. If you ask for a new perspective to be bestowed on you, it takes you out of the role of needing to have it all figured out and know exactly what to do. You can instead have a new configuration gifted to you, because instead of overcoming you focused on making yourself ready for something new and letting go of the past patterns.
Self-judgment is such a dead end, but we are where we are. I hope this helps a tiny bit.
Try to keep in mind that there are experiences we have that do not make sense to us in the moment and won't for years to come. I've found that "that which is not needed falls away". Overcoming something as potent as sexual desire just charges the whole thing with guilt and self-judgment.
Instead, allow yourself to experience it, to get tired of it, to notice how fake and manipulative it is. My experience is that it takes SO MUCH EFFORT to use porn, because you're constantly looking for something more extreme or satisfying. You can't keep it up indefinitely, so I think it's better to exhaust the need than to introduce some discipline in an emotion complex that is already so tortured and tied up in itself.
One thing that's new in my experience is the power of asking. We can ask to have a different experience. It's not about "deliver me from sexual addiction" or anything like that. You're not asking to escape, but you are asking to see with new eyes. If you ask for a new perspective to be bestowed on you, it takes you out of the role of needing to have it all figured out and know exactly what to do. You can instead have a new configuration gifted to you, because instead of overcoming you focused on making yourself ready for something new and letting go of the past patterns.
Self-judgment is such a dead end, but we are where we are. I hope this helps a tiny bit.