How do you do?

[Minyatur]

I stopped because I discovered my desires were circumstantial...  To my own dismay.

Well we exist in infinite manyness, hard to not be something relative.

...

Once I discovered this was all real THEN i began performing Work in Consciousness but not to channel.  I can't channel for one reason, I can't discern if the voice is myself tricking myself or real.  I'd quickly lose to a greeting trying to discredit me, so instead I journaled my...crazier thoughts that didn't sound like me at all.

I do not think the resonance is the same between channeling yourself and something external. It is a work of intuition to learn to discern both in my view. A greeting to discredit would use an existing distortion to present itself, so it is not bad to face it either, it's just.. learning about yourself.

Channeling does not imply sharing it either, you can simply seek your own guidance in yourself. You're an antena, you can just experiment with it.

I stopped bexause of catalyst.  I wasgrowing tired  past what I was used to.  It became hard to just get upin the mornings or evenings for work.  My mom who refected my love back to me also stopped doing so.  Much of my ambitions were messed up.  Couldn't start a garden.  My blog wasn't coming up to the level of love I was attempting to put into it.  I never found a partner.  Then I stumbled into my hellish reality and while there I cursed and swore at the Onw Creator, and in what I can only deem the wailing cries of someone who believes themself stuck in actual Hell (like. This reality IS ACTUALLY hell), I put down that 'mantle' of ever being disciplined or responsible enough to perform work in consciousness...change anyone with Love, do anything with Love that I wouldn't ultimately...just.  Its.  Complicated.  I was a sun in a dark place as I Polarized.  My friends noticed, my mom noticed.  Even I noticed and I'm harsh on myself.

No, I stopped and retired simply because I failed myself.  I swore to stop all progress against my own soul because I condemned its choice to put me in hell, to be here with me, to experience with me or make me possible.  I wanted to cease to exist, to hurt God or the OIC by taking away a portion of itself in protest at what so many others have to go through.

Like some are horrified by animals being slaughtered and enslaved.  I'm horrified at rape, torture, madness, insanity, murder.  And the enjoyment they can bring for some.  I didn't want to be in a creation that gets off to...doing those things.

I retired as a big F U to myself and the OIC.  and even though I don't feel those ways anymore...  I am still too ashamed to ever try again until I know I'll be able to forgive myself for the things I said, did, and the intent behind it all.

That is well, it is written nowhere that you need to push yourself beyond your limits.

I did see heaven AND hell.  I did not like what I saw..

I do agree that we live in one sad Universe.