Quote:It's more of a positive judgement thing than a negative judgement thing. Instead of saying "I don't want to experience x emotion" you say "I want to experience y emotion." You are free to experience all of the emotions that you want, as you want to, but you are giving them negative judgement by enjoying indulging in them, it seems.
It's not that I indulge in them as it is that I see them as in some way necessary to experience, for personal growth. My view has been that if I can become conscious of and stare at my negativity directly in the face, and even encourage it to express itself, and not be destroyed by it, then it won't have so much of a hold on me and will be more under my control. I see it as a way of purifying and strengthening myself. What I am basically describing is catharsis. I am afraid however that I have been causing myself unnecessary suffering by doing so and have been wasting all this time doing something which has no real benefit and only serves to harm myself and others. Sigh.
Quote:I think it is more our reaction to our thoughts. Each thought>reaction is a distortion of the present moment, however. The first thought is the lesser distortion, and each judgement distorts further. This would probably be a good question to meditate on (as with most of these, your subconscious will give you more cohesive answers than I can)
Doesn't that then suggest that thoughts cannot be innately harmful? This is what I can't understand. Say I have a violent and hateful thought towards another. Such a thought personally causes me distress and I do not wish to have it, but I push myself to have it and even encourage the thought, as a means of overcoming it and stripping it of it's control over me. I had hoped that by doing so these thoughts would lose their power, but they seem to just be building in intensity, but maybe that is just temporary and is an example of increased negativity before positive transformation. I don't know what I am doing to myself.
Quote:That's up to you to decide. How do you feel when you're feeling these feelings? Do you enjoy it? Do you increase your awareness? If these feelings have value to you, then they are a gift to yourself.
I feel absolutely awful, but just because something feels awful doesn't mean that it has no value or benefit in regards the process of expansion of awareness. I have tried asking for clarity on this issue, but to no avail thus far.
Some of the things I have thought and felt, and some of the things I have discovered about myself have horrified me and shaken me to my very core of my being. It is frightening, but seemingly what is being asked of me.
I wonder if it possible to have thoughts which are not your own.