A Philosophy of Romance

[Aion]

I don't think survival is purely based in fear... I also don't understand the idea that humans are 'suited' one way or the other. I always believed in freedom of choice and relationships are the same. I don't understand the purpose of trying to put different relationship styles against eachother.

I also don't think monogamy is purely survival or conditioning and that a lot of people really just lack commitment or the ability make a choice. People want to have their cake and to eat it too.

I also don't get how the desire to be loved is only derived from separateness, as though one in unity has no desire or need for love. This topic is so convoluted it really makes me frustrated to see.

I think everyone has some ideal and everyone will create some justification for why it is more appropriate.

We're just discussing ideas here. There's no reason to be frustrated. Perhaps I come across too rigidly or narrowly. I'm openminded. I like exploring ideas and want to hear what others think. I agree people want to have their cake and eat it too. But actually, what's wrong with that? The only thing I can see that would not be good (or efficacious, or evolved, or whatever term works) about it is if there wasn't honesty.

Commitment to a person or relationship cannot be forced. You can see the results of this all over. Of course, it's not black and white. I like the idea of choice. I think it's important to address the idea of commitment with a partner periodically, and not take it for granted.

I'm always frustrated, don't take that personally. It is seeing conflict that springs me in to action so when it appeared to me there was a competition between monogamy and non-monogamy it makes me want to settle things in to unity and equality because to me the perceived differences are merely a matter of preference.

Where I will make the distinction is more as you say, in regards to honesty and health. I think more in terms of healthy or unhealthy relationships rather than in terms of 'type' so the argument of an ideal type of relationship to me appears to just convolute and in some way inhibits the examination of relationship health because bias will create justifications for the ideal, even if it isn't healthy.

That is why I get frustrated by any blanket statements regarding relationships because there is no objective 'best', there is only dynamics between individuals and their interactions. Certainly there may be a 'best' for an individual, usually of their choosing, but I am very careful to be distinct between what is individual and what is collective in my mind.