Wanderers have to polarize?

[Jade]

Elros, are you saying that black magick or the manipulation of forces works better for you than harmonizing with the flow or white magic?
I have noticed the same thing.. you're like me. my and your desire to be positive might be just another selfish desire..

Jade, my fear is not being able to become harvested. I can't imagine remaining in 3d any longer. I have committed suicide before. many years ago when I wasn't worried about harvastablity. I have a strong potential to become like how Carla describes don's last days too..
so this third density world is not the best place for me and remaining here for another cycle is unimaginable

so what I'm planning with the neutrality is the idea of reaching intelligent infinity in a permanent manner so I can be harvested by choice
what do you guys think?

edit : another thing I should mention is that negative sources told me I was at the end of 4D positive before wandering here but I never trusted them to tell me the truth about such things.. I felt they wanted me to feel pity for the lost goodness that I've had! to decrease my nobility or sth

Here's what I think: It seems you probably have a red ray blockage that you haven't fully addressed since your suicide (do you mean you attempted suicide or a previous life ended in suicide?). The red ray needs a *lot* of special work and attention if one forcibly attempts to remove oneself from incarnation in distress. It's a big deal. Either way, if your motivation to reach intelligent infinity is to be harvested to get off of this planet, you have a long journey ahead of you. I've mentioned this before recently to others, but if you aren't getting enjoyment out of life, then you are not on your we haven't found our "purpose", which is one of our reasons for incarnating. That's not to say we aren't on the right path at the right time if we are experiencing depression - it is another step in the staircase. But realizing that you have a specific goal while here (other than "beating the game" and harvesting yourself) and wanting to contribute [i]that goal[i] is an important step as we awaken. So if we live our entire life's miserable it's very unlikely that we've "succeeded" in what we came to do, and then will ascend from there. Our larger selves do not see 3D as strictly as we do, and can see the great benefits of our incarnations in the grand scheme of things. We chose to incarnate here and will likely choose to incarnate here again, even if we swear up and down that we'll never come back. We always come back... we are the wanderers.

Also, there are two ways to reach intelligent infinity with regularity while incarnated: Through the heart chakra, or bypassing the heart chakra. Neutrality is the end goal, but you can just sit in the middle your whole life and accomplish much energetically - polarity provides the difference in electrical charge that causes things to happen and energy to move. To raise your energy level to indigo ray, you have to do *something*.