Financial Catalyst

[Lighthead]

But to me even that seems boring. I think that it has to do with having schizophrenia. A hallmark symptom of schizophrenia is lack of motivation. I tend to only have motivation for things that are the opposite of work. For example, just wasting time on the internet all day. Life can be pretty meaningless for me a lot of times.

well, I can't speak to your unique situation, as I've not ever been diagnosed with your condition.

But it doesn't sound like a desirable circumstance to be in.

If I could ask, even before you had the diagnosis, weren't you already using  a lot of MJ, and avoiding the circumstances of life?

I appreciate your understanding. Actually, yeah, I was using a lot of MJ (which I wouldn't recommend to people who have mental illness in their family), and I was avoiding circumstances of life. But whereas people would say that avoiding the circumstances of life was merely incidental to me developing schizophrenia, I would say that avoiding the circumstances of life, in some subconscious way, led to me having schizophrenia. It was a way to make it official that I now had a reason to not work.

That said, I am starting to narrow down the focus of what I really want to do. I'm starting to become really fascinated with meditating. I'm starting to realize that I might want to do something related to that. Perhaps get really experienced in the field of meditation and maybe lecture on that in the future. That seems more meaningful than even being an artist. I'm interested in Buddhist forms of meditation. I would like to do some serious research into the ancient Buddhist texts, like, for example, the Shobogenzo by Dogen Zenji. But while I would want to be Buddhist focused, I wouldn't want my form of teaching to really be all that traditional. Like you have to meditate in such and such a posture, you have to have a statue of Buddha in your meditation space, etcetera.