06-24-2015, 07:39 AM
Important topic Plenum. Experiences of being bullied can leave lasting impressions throughout life and unless healed and cleared, unconsciously affect our behavior and patterns of interacting with others.
My father was a big-time bully. It was psychological/ emotional attacks throughout my childhood. And me, being highly empathic, felt the pain of my 7 siblings and especially my mother. He was just horrible the way he degraded, and denigrated my mother. She passed 2 years ago. I think her auto- immune disease, that devastated her body, was a direct result of the bullying she accepted, and did not stand up against.
My mother had a big heart and only wanted to maintain the unity of her family, and be true to her vows and duty to God as she believed. She believed in a Roman Catholic father God who taught that suffering was a sacrifice to offer God. So that was what she did. She would often " offer it up". She had great love without wisdom for self- care, self- love, or protective boundaries.
My father is really lonely now, still grieving the loss. But he is unable, and does not have the relational skills to connect with others. Enabling bad behavior really stunts growth and expansion of consciousness, which is the polarization of our light. I don't know what would have happened if she challenged him, but I believe it would have pushed him especially,to greater polarization if she had just stood up for herself. And her physical vitality would have been better, I believe. That is judgement on my part, I suppose.
Being my primary formative relationship, this has definitely been huge in my life, to understand and resolve the pattern that was so deeply imprinted in me.
Still, I haven't been able to get away from physical manifestation of the pattern, which has been a big catalyst for me over the past 2 months. It is interesting observing myself as I get through this catalyst.
My father was a big-time bully. It was psychological/ emotional attacks throughout my childhood. And me, being highly empathic, felt the pain of my 7 siblings and especially my mother. He was just horrible the way he degraded, and denigrated my mother. She passed 2 years ago. I think her auto- immune disease, that devastated her body, was a direct result of the bullying she accepted, and did not stand up against.
My mother had a big heart and only wanted to maintain the unity of her family, and be true to her vows and duty to God as she believed. She believed in a Roman Catholic father God who taught that suffering was a sacrifice to offer God. So that was what she did. She would often " offer it up". She had great love without wisdom for self- care, self- love, or protective boundaries.
My father is really lonely now, still grieving the loss. But he is unable, and does not have the relational skills to connect with others. Enabling bad behavior really stunts growth and expansion of consciousness, which is the polarization of our light. I don't know what would have happened if she challenged him, but I believe it would have pushed him especially,to greater polarization if she had just stood up for herself. And her physical vitality would have been better, I believe. That is judgement on my part, I suppose.
Being my primary formative relationship, this has definitely been huge in my life, to understand and resolve the pattern that was so deeply imprinted in me.
Still, I haven't been able to get away from physical manifestation of the pattern, which has been a big catalyst for me over the past 2 months. It is interesting observing myself as I get through this catalyst.
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