How we make 'others' feel

[Shawnna]

People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
              ― Maya Angelou

so if we did a survey, how would most people say you made them feel Shawnna?

I guess the question I'm asking is similiar to polarity.  We all probably think we are doing positive polarization, and yet, I'm pretty sure not all of it is (we mistakenly identify our actions as being positive when they are most likely not).

So we have an idea that we are being loving ... but how does that match up to how others actually experience you?

Great question!  My sense is .....   it depends.

I can be very direct and focused - and sometimes that comes across as harsh or even judgmental.  I've had to try hard to remember that there are different types of communication styles and adapting my style to the style of the individual I'm communicating with can be very helpful for us both when it comes to clarity of communication.

It also depends on the nature of the relationship I have with the individual.  My family relationships are such a blessing to me; there's a foundation of trust that is rock solid so we tend to be brutally honest with each other.

My professional relationships are different - I keep my personal life and my professional life separate so most people I work with don't know me at a deep, personal level until there is a foundation of trust established.

Internet forums are a whole other dynamic that I find very challenging.  Being honest and direct serves me well in most other situations; in these situations - I have to think three times about what I'd really like to write knowing that it may not be helpful in moving anyone (including me!) forward in their spiritual or emotional growth.

One thing I've tried to do is assume good intent, regardless of how others actually come across.  That may be naive but it seems to work most of the time.  With most being the operative word there.  

{snip}

So I mean, if you want to know the effects you have on others, let them speak for themselves, in a spontaneous way.

I have no way of stopping anyone in this forum community from 'speaking' for themselves so I'm unclear what is meant by this statement.



I am hoping to find a community of loving, compassionate and humble people here.  Always the optimist I guess.