Meditation habits and tips

[Lighthead]

I believe we incarnate into these hearts and minds with extreme limitation as to grow more fruitfully. I believe Jesus had the opposite case where every bit of catalyst imaginable aided him on his path to his true self. We also must find our way to the true self if we so wish, however I think we do this through many dense lifetimes. I believe it was Ra who compared it to polishing of a crystal

Either through many dense lifetimes or many more lifetimes with little catalyst. It takes longer, but it's the same goal. And I personally think that if you pace yourself with not as much catalyst, you learn to more efficiently deal with catalyst. I think of it as, if you're life has very little catalyst, whatever catalyst comes along you gobble it as if you haven't eaten all day. You basically get hungry for catalyst.

Even though I hold this view, I apparently didn't program for easy catalyst. It seems strange that I would see this as more efficient and yet my higher self is not taking my advice. I don't know why that would be. Maybe my catalyst is to present myself with catalyst that doesn't align with the way I think the world should work, or "works better."

What you described is how I feel I programmed for myself. 

A life without worry in which my worry at the end will have to not have done enough for others. I feel that having harsh catalysts would have made me close an harder shell around my heart and wouldn't have helped open toward others. When I found something in life that would bring me catalyst despite there being extreme sorrow, I would cling to it wholeheartedly. (that's the scorpion moon, although being closed emotionally was kind of contrary to it) In short I loved having something that could destroy me emotionally just as it could uplift me.

With time I come to be more and more disatisfied with only being satisfied myself and seek that anyone could actually break my heart with their sorrow or uplift me with their joy.

I'm getting at a point I feel bad for not feeling bad because there are others that do and I do think it should make me feel something which up until not so long ago it never did.

tl;dr : We were born in one strange world.

I'd like to read your chart because Scorpio moon is actually a rough position. My mom has Scorpio moon and she is very bitter and negative. She's very pessimistic. I was actually able to polarize negatively (I'm not trying to polarize negatively any more) because of what I've basically learned from her. She's also very much full of hatred. She's gotten better, though. I'd say that you probably have a lot of other mitigating factors in your chart.