06-16-2015, 08:38 AM
(06-16-2015, 05:23 AM)Folk-love Wrote: If I were to express some of the thoughts and feeling I have on such issues as this one I would no doubt be labelled a bigoted monster as Yera described. It is a great source of insecurity and shame for me and I am having a tough time navigating thoughts and emotions that would be labelled by society as wrong, unethical, racist, sexist etc. Seeing someone slammed for expressing themselves with the purpose of trying to understand something and gain greater clarity really gets my blood boiling, but once again I fully admit that this is an internal issue more than anything. I'm probably being hypocritical and narrow minded in one way or another and for that I apologize. This is a great source of catalyst for me, just as I imagine it is for many others.
I haven't "slammed someone for expressing themselves with the purpose of trying to understand..."
As politely as possible I explained to a person (for eg): that for them to say "fiasco" "mutilation" "mental instability"...
"is considered disrespectful and insensitive"
if I can't give that feedback here I may as well leave.
Instead of a polite reply - I was told I "reeked" of "insecurity" and was sarcastically told "so sorry I offended your brittle being"
I offered to share links to help Jeremy, which he chose to ignore and continued to ask his questions to non trans members about trans peoples spirituality.... and to be rude/dismissive to me... yet he's getting the backing of other members here?
:exclamation: http://www.glaad.org/transgender/allies
an excellent and helpful article:
(for example):
"Listen to transgender people.
The best way to be an ally is to listen with an open mind to transgender people themselves. Talk to transgender people in your community. Check out books, films, YouTube channels, and transgender blogs to find out more about transgender lives.
Know your own limits as an ally.
Don't be afraid to admit when you don't know something. It is better to admit you don't know something than to make assumptions or say something that may be incorrect or hurtful. Then seek out the appropriate resources that will help you learn more.
(Updated May 2015 / Adapted from MIT's "Action Tips for Allies of Trans People.")"
and another equally helpful document for learning:
http://community.pflag.org/document.doc?id=904
and from: http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/06/how-...ns-friend/
"But it also means stepping out of the spotlight and allowing trans people to lead and tell their own stories.
You should amplify the voices of trans people – sharing their work, inviting them to conferences and universities, getting them involved wherever possible – rather than speaking over them.
There’s always more work to be done. And if you’re looking to support your friend who is trans, it’s time to make this world a better place for all trans people.
6. Learn to Take Criticism and Know How to Apologize
Even if you follow every bit of advice in this article, you will still make mistakes. And I want to remind you that making mistakes is okay, as long as you’re willing to receive criticism and apologize sincerely.
Remember that regardless of your intention, your impact is still important. You may not have meant to spill coffee on my shirt, but I imagine that if you did, you would still apologize and you would still try to help me clean things up. Because, you know, I’m assuming you’re a nice person.
You may mix up your friend’s pronouns by accident. You may say something insensitive, only to realize this later on. Even I, as a trans person, make mistakes with other trans people from time to time. We’re all learning. Every single one of us!
Just recently, a thoughtful friend and fellow Everyday Feminism writer, Adrian, explained to me that a word I was using was actually extremely harmful to trans women. Instead of getting all prickly and defensive about it, I had to remind myself that this was a great opportunity to do some growing and avoid hurting others in the future.
Even I make mistakes! What’s most important is to learn from those mistakes.
So how do you apologize?
When you misgender someone, it’s best to offer a quick apology, a correction, and let the conversation move forward. Nothing is more awkward than a person spending five minutes apologizing for misgendering you and completely redirecting the conversation. I shouldn’t feel like I have to console or comfort you after you’ve made a mistake, right?
When there’s a bigger hiccup – maybe you’ve said something offensive without realizing it – it’s good to know how to give a sincere apology. There’s an amazing video that breaks this down that is basically required viewing for anyone who aspires to be a decent human.
As the brilliant Franchesca Ramsey says in her video, “A real genuine apology is made up of two parts: the first part is you take responsibility for what you’ve done, and then the second part is you make a commitment to change the behavior.”
If you’ve said something that is hurtful to your friend, an apology can be the difference between a rift in your relationship and an opportunity for growth. Never underestimate the power of a sincere apology."
(Sam Dylan Finch a Contributing Writer for Everyday Feminism. He is queer writer, activist, and educator)
(yet again disappointed/stressed/saddened by interactions on Bring4th
)Splash