Sobriety and Ascension

[Zachary]

Hey there,

I am 1 month out of smoking weed every day, multiple times daily (high all day) for over a year. From morning till night being high for over a year...I even got into growing it which made it seem more difficult to quit since money wasn't an issue anymore. For the last 3 months of me using it I knew what I had to do. I knew it wasn't ideal from the start...but I used it as a way of coping with my mental health challenges. It was a way of putting a blanket over my emotions to experience a more consistent even keeled emotional state...of course it was illusory since I needed weed to feel that way.

I think for any regular drug/alcohol user its wise to ask the question...why do I keep coming back? What am I taking with me from the experience? Why the need to CONTINUOUSLY alter my state of mind through drugs/alcohol?

Aside from people with life threatening illnesses or people who experience insane amounts of physical pain and use weed instead of painkillers, I think that the only benefit it has spiritually (my personal beleif) is to take what you have learned from using it and apply the positive aspects to sober life; as apposed to continously returning to the drug under the guise of it being spiritual beneficial. In my experience when you stop using marijuana, your back at square one.

When I first quit it was difficult...very difficult. The worse elements of my mental health issues came to light (I choose not to take medication)...also mental health issues aside...things I had been flat out ignoring in my life- I was faced with...and still am faced with. Instead of feeling the discomfort and having that lead me to a proper solution I would just smoke and the discomfort would be lifted...but it didn't take me anywhere. It got to the point where I felt "soul pain" from being under its influence so long. How unfortunate it was for my higher being to be limited to a mind altering substance for so long...it began to hurt my heart.

I don't have any temptation to use it now since I took it to such an extreme...theres nothing more for me to gain from it except an escape...and I don't want to escape anymore...I would rather feel the pain...it actually feels quite good in contrast to being in a more numbing emotional state. Not that I didn't feel emotions on weed, but if I was in a bad mood...I would forget I was in a bad mood shortly after (lol). Most of the sadness came from just an over-all feeling of not being in my natural state and knowing it wasn't right to continue, but continuing anyway due to fear of facing myself and my emotions. I think I am still working my way out of the hole I dug through the mental patterns I created while under its influence. When I first awakened, before all this happened...I was a light user. I began long meditation sessions and was easily able to open my heart to such a degree where the "good and bad" contrast of life fell away. I found that while in this state of being marijuana definitely lowered my vibration..so for this time, I stopped using it. How I stepped back into darkness is another story. I am finding it much more difficult these days to open my heart to the level I had once experienced 4 years ago.

All in all I commend you for what your doing...I am happy to help in anyway I can. I think if theres one thing that motivates me most about stopping its usage...its that I am now ready to continue my spiritual growth sober and without excuse. When there is pain...I face the pain...its not comfortable but I face it to learn from it and move beyond it. I highly recommend daily meditation. Expect a lot of discomfort and resistance...I am still experiencing much myself....I will get through it...I have faith you will too.