Crying.

[Nicholas]

Wow, so I'm going to slightly go off topic out of curiosity.

What's it like being emotionally shut down?

I left out a lot of details in my wanderer story here in order to condense it, but it describes your query in part. The simplest way of describing it is that life for me became black and white. You just separate yourself from reality and simply observe it. You become anaesthetized emotionally, and it felt like a subconscious protective measure on reflection. 

Music saved me and I created some form of electromagnetic ball between my hands while listening to my 45 single of Superstition by Stevie Wonder. Suddenly I understood everything he was saying on that record and felt compelled to sit down cross legged and rotate my left hand in a clockwise motion, with my palm facing down. Below it I rotated my right hand clockwise with my palm facing up, while lagging half a circle behind my left palm. As my right palm was facing up it was actually going counter clockwise from a reverse perspective. Within about 5 seconds and intense focus on the centre of this invisible ball I could feel some heat and a strengthening magnetic field. I did not know consciously what I was creating, but I just knew It was some call for help. After about 7-8 seconds I felt the desire to separate my hands but had to exert some force as they were stuck there by this field that I had created. As soon as I broke them apart I put my head to the carpet and floods of tears came out. I kept saying sorry over and over again as I was convinced I had disturbed somebody, somewhere. But boy did I cry! A part of me died back then and I saw the world in a completely different light. It was my first awakening 

Back to the OP though, no song has ever made me cry like this one...



Ironically, it is the greatest love song I have ever heard, and ever will hear. It cuts real deep for me because I believe it conveys the suppression of the sacred feminine within earth man, as well as my heartbreak when the love of my life lost her mental faculties. I have even cried while writing this last piece while it plays in the background.

I don't want to share this on a sombre note so will just add that we are due to be engaged next year 

Finally I will explain why I titled my particular story. The other side of that dark period I asked the sky above me "what is real"? It was a sincere query and I immediately experienced word form telepathy.

Remember. Everything. Always. Love. 

After reading the LOO many years later I correlated this acronym to becoming one with intelligent infinity. I knew straight away what Ra meant when I read "distortion" and "illusion" for the first time.

I hope your curiosity has been somewhat quenched!

L & L to you.