Excuses!

[VanAlioSaldo]

Hi Van,

 Yes, I can identify with what you're describing. For me, it is an almost excruciating difficulty during the initial "engagement" phase. The initial stages of starting something. Almost as if there is some type of spiritual "power drain" takes place. 
 I also get this often when engaging Other-Selves on the phone and face to face. It is almost exhausting.

 I think you're describing a general "frozen life" concept. Again,...I sympathize and identify, Joe.

 Can you flesh it out for us,.....more at the 3D level? I am not as advanced as most of you, and mostly have worked at the practical application of the Law of One at this lower plane,...due to the limitations in my understanding.

Maybe together, all of us can share some coping skills with which we can reinforce our spiritual foundations.

Describe more what the feeling is at the microcosmic level. For instance with your writing.  Can you put into words what you are feeling emotionally AND physically,......when engaging in the activities that you procrastinate at?

Yay, someone who bit~

There's a bolded remark, a bolded italicized remark, and then the rest is obviously differentiatable.

I've experienced complete exhaustion a few times in writing, for my story .eXe I had a huge reservoir of sexual energy transfers from my ex leading up to when I begun writing it that literally fueled the writing up until about chapter 23.  Then from there the real issues of exhaustion kicked in cause I was writing trying to pull energy from a deplete reservoir.  (I honestly wish I would just hook up with people and be done with it for this one reason alone...but tas not how it works)  After that, whenever I sit down to write .eXe it's like a get hit by a truck, and it's still like that to this day (I tried a bit a week ago, same thing.)

Then there was a demon story I was working on for a while.  Working on that story was hard and painful on me, I would get nauseous or cold and clammy when working on it, then one day it got so bad I threw up.  I haven't worked on that book since.  It had the greatest potential in my opinion of any book I wrote, but something was wrong with me while writing it.  It was like something was always around and trying to write through me, I don't know, I can't explain it because I didn't investigate it at all, I just stopped writing that story...

Then there's stories filled with thought rather than intent, they don't exhaust me but they do make me feel timid and uncertain.  When I write with the intent of putting something in front of someone, it's no big deal.  Putting something in front of a whole bunch of someones, I get literally scared!  I think, how could I handle that amount of energy or how could I appease so many different views while retaining myself and my uniqueness?  Why do I need to put my uniqueness in?  Writing for me is horrible when I do it like it were a job or in a serious manner.  I block myself with doubt, my mind pulls in a lot of directions trying to figure something out, and in this extraneous process of looking at my own plot and trying to make it into 'the best it can be' I overcomplicate my own system and ultimately burn myself out.
It's literally a giant complex long-winded I do it to myself kind of deals.

Writing is therapeutic for me, I just hate writing knowing no one will ever read it as well.  As for me, a great ALL of my stories I believe no one will find interesting or care about much.  Makes writing that much harder, and I've thought of actually making a thread linking to some of my work but I'm like -stares at work-, oh my gosh... -continues starring in horror-, why. -closes screen- WHHHHHYYYYYYY!!! (Am I embarrassed?)  I haven't written an actual chapter in a year on anything.  I miss writing but I have so little time now.  I used to beat away at my keyboard for 4 hours every night while my ex slept.  I used to spend up to 16 hours writing as a teenager through the night and into the next day.

I'm so very very happy you said that you get exhaustion at interaction with others.  I've had very horrible things said to me over a phone by more than one person, as such I'm scared of phone calls, I loathe phone calls.  If someone said half the stuff they said to me in person that I've had said to me over the phone...I'd probably honestly have a police record with felony grade assaults.  (Truly horrible things said to me...)  As such I have some serious anxiety to phone calls at work, my heart literally skips a beat and races.  I feel almost envious to others when they just pick up a phone and go for it.  I stand there like, 'This is circle K, my name is Joe, how many I help you' over and over then pick it up and barely stagger the words out.  (I've gotten about 10 prank calls last week and this week at work, it suuuuucks!)

Then in person, and this is especially at work, I will begin sweating and get flushed!  But its not just me, it's potentially everyone or anyone!!  I notice on really good days where my energy isn't being constantly prodded by others because it's got its self held together, others get sweaty and flush and I don't.  There is a clear major energy transfer that goes on with any interaction now a days it seems, and it seems to hold a charge.  Similarly EVERYONE in my area seems to be tied to a cycle of sorts that everyone in groups experiences in the form of 'the way of the day'.  Some days are dropping days (you drop things a lot), some days are clumsy days, some days are tired days, some days are awake days, some days are just good for no reason, others bad for no reason, some days people can't seem to get themselves together, others everyone is top notch.

It is truly the weirdest thing I have experienced next to the odd passive mob mentality of people in stores, and it seems as if several people get the idea to show up at the exact same time to my store by all leaving at seemingly correct times to all literally show up at once.  (At night I've gotten 10 people at 3am out of nowhere a few times where it is usually beyond deeead.  Truly, something more is going on where I work.)

And finally, I notice that some interactions actually boost me, and I don't know if it's an energy transfer or energy drain, I don't know if I'm pulling in energy vampyrically, or if its a beneficial energy transfer.

I don't understand it myself, I think it's a form of Core-Yellow Ray transfers encoded in Blue Ray and Orange Ray intentions and desires.  Either way, I have noticed this, and this is very good you show me it's happening around the world!  It means 4th Density is becoming more prevalent.  Energy transfers that used to not be present, invisible lines being perceivable.  Connections that weren't available prior.  I never got the massive intentions of how to aid my customers as if I was picking up their desires or thoughts without hearing or knowing them until just this year.  I've surprised myself with how well my intuition is correct in ascertaining a 'need' of the customer...  Heh, just had a funny thought about me being a prostitute.  Gosh, anyways.

My life isn't frozen, but I sometimes wish it would just stop and let me breath.  My issue is being serious, I am way too serious.  I need to chill out.

As for the bolded italicized
Take all of that 'advanced' and 'practical' and then see it in context to a 'Lower Plane' and then put that all into context when viewed with 'the limitations of your understanding'
It's a fancy excuse to say I don't understand so I'm not sure how to do this, but the Law of One is simple and easy to follow in your life when you learn self forgiveness and realize that your reality is you are human, and that you will be so perfectly flawed, we may sometimes never even realize it, while others can't see any other part of themselves, it just depends but here's my opinion.

Drop the thought of not understanding.  There is a simple act to be done, and that is Choosing How To Be.  That is what you do here, you choose.  It isn't about living by polarity or accelerating your learning or growth, that is all Work in Consciousness and for adepts and seekers who wish to move forward faster.  Rather, the point for being here is to simply live and love, not even to graduate.  For others the point is different as they need it to be.  For some the point is that there is no point, and for a few the point may very well be self-recursive in some fashion as to push them forward, though those few I'd call those with autism or major developmental issues at birth (which in my opinion) denotes some of the hardest lessons there are for a Wanderer or normal 3D soul.

Mj, you're blocking yourself, the point of the Law of One is to simply provide with you the knowledge that you have a choice, and that here, you are here to make it.  So make it, and continue on to 4th Density where the game changes, the flow configuration alters and the rules differ.  We focus incredibly so into the path of an adept or a seeker, we forget the material itself is just here to aid us in How We Be.  No different from any religious content or spiritual content, it's all there to help us, and if we find anything that does help us, would it be right to say it isn't important or real to us?

I one day said I'll be Unconditionally Loving.  The next 2 months of my life were a struggle but something was clearly happening to me, my mind was growing quiet and my intentions were becoming thick and deep and my desires were becoming deep.  The next 6 months were the greatest months of my life that feel's like they would never end at the time, and now looking back, somehow feels over all too soon.

It's not about 3D and 4D, it's about those traversing them.  It's not about the Chakra system and what it entails, it's about how to use it with or without the knowledge to do so.  It's not about polarity, it's about the lessons polarity teaches.

You can live the Law of One very easily, by choosing to do so regardless of anything wrong with you.  I did, it left me tired, exhausted, and I almost lost my mind, Twice, from it.  But the experiences.  I would not surrender for a life time of them, they were all me living truly moment by moment, they were all me truly alive.  Every memory of that time is sacred in me, I realize back then all was sacred too even in the darkest places.  So it isn't about Higher and Lower densities.

Love is the great Bridge personally, if you want to move from the lower realms to the higher ones, you must first provide an intent that can push you into doing so if not through love, or through love you need simply Be Loving to people even when they are mean.  When you consciously choose to provide Love to another for another, you will begin to feel changes.

Ra said it perfectly, there will be joyous changes as you live this philosophy.  However; Ra didn't warn me that following this philosophy could make me lose my mind if I didn't keep it together in my head.  They didn't warn me I might not be prepared for the concepts, and they did not warn me that I would be so massively moved by it to the point my entire life would be altered and changed forever.  I am glad they did not, but for others who do truly lose it more and more from this material, I want to provide a buffer or protection to them as well.

Thus I'm not going to explain in detail how I feel overall with these excuses that I sometimes try to just bypass only to be met with it further down the path that I provided for myself.

All that matters in spotting excuses is the Honesty and Discerning to look at your own words, and to say, did I say that because it's true, or because I'm avoiding it?


I'm sorry for the huge post.  It is all relevant, I gave some experiences of my own that expanded the length.  If you want to know more Mj, or want me to elaborate on "Can you put into words what you are feeling emotionally AND physically,......when engaging in the activities that you procrastinate at?" as I only withheld from doing so out of fear that you might be thinking these things are what you have to do with living the Law of One.

If you're still looking for answers, do let me know, I'll post some for you!