The Catalyst of a Broken Toe

[Reaper]

Last weekend I fell down the stairs of my home, landing on my foot and fracturing the joint of my big toe in several places. Because the joint was affected, I will have to have a screw put into my toe to keep the pieces from shattering apart entirely, which would lead to a lifetime of physical difficulty. While I've been getting around with a cane, after the surgery I will not be able to walk at all for about 6 weeks, meaning that much of the physical work I find important will have to be temporarily abandoned. 

My physical abilities already severely limited, I've had quite a bit of time to sit around and contemplate the nature of the catalyst I have been presented with, and find that though the circumstance is unpleasant, it has actually been quite educational.

I won't deny that I've considered the possibility of some manner of negative greeting, mainly due to the inordinate amount of magical work I've been doing lately. My foot seemed to be pulled right out from under me. While I have no way of proving or disproving this notion, it did cause me to consider what I may have done to welcome such an intrusion. 

For some time now I have expressed frustration with my daily routine. My job, my familial obligations and the many little things I have to do just to get by each day have left me feeling exhausted and somewhat resentful toward what seems like a lack of time to pursue my own interests. Many times I have expressed a desire for a vacation- a temporary respite from the obligations of everyday life in order to "get myself in order." By continually investing in this desire, I created an opportunity to be given exactly what I was asking for- I can now no longer go to work, and am in a situation where I am forced to depend upon others instead of feeling that they are dependent on me. 

In this experience I have encountered great opportunities to feel frustration, depression and fear. I am going to miss out on many events I desired to take part in. The physical pain alone causes me great weariness, and I am loathe to be beholden to others, fearing the same resentment I have often given them. There is the opportunity to feel unworthy, as not actively contributing to my family's well being activates feelings of guilt, even if my lack of contribution is through no fault of my own. There is the chance to worry over the financial difficulties this situation could potentially bring. I could easily take it all as a sign of the universe having a bad sense of humor and throw up my hands in bitterness. All of these thing would distract me from my highest desire of bringing positive energy into the world. I would be depolarized.

However, I have also seen another set of opportunities. An opportunity to learn about myself on a deeper level, and to uncover emotional blockages I was previously oblivious to. An opportunity to focus on the spiritual and creative works that before I seemed to have no time to devote to. An opportunity to allow myself to receive love and care instead of just focusing on giving it, which has already brought me closer to my family. It is a chance to enter a cocoon of sorts, and to emerge stronger from the trial which I face. As much as I wish my toe were not broken, it has probably been one of the best things to happen to me on a deeper level, and I ultimately feel thankfulness. 

Of course, I haven't even gotten through the most difficult part yet, so if anyone would like to send positive energy...

Just thought I'd share some of these thoughts on the way catalyst can be set into motion.