Learning to Love Indifference

[VanAlioSaldo]

How's them apples? Not trying to mock. Just sharing what I've learned...

And just so you know.

I actually love your posts and your attitude.  I just knew coaxing you would get much better results and yes.  Yes they did.  This helps me beyond immensely.

[...]

I think I had a major...Experience spiritually speaking these past few days.  It shook me and caused some latent mental issues to surface (which off to therapy for that...), but just this past day alone it's like things are making more and more sense and I'm...  Coming out of whatever Hellish Pit I stumbled in to.

These quotes mixed with Light's response, then Indigo's answer.  And now going back and looking at the entirety of the answers provided.  I was literally blind.  Literally blind to the answer right in front of me because I'm sitting there trying to make sense of something that was happening to me while thinking nothing was happening.  This is why I said earlier to Isis, I'm about 95% sure I'm losing my mind.  I'm closer to about 5% sure now that I just experienced some kind of...Self Greeting or another type of awakening on the negative scale.

Either way, there was a point where I perceived human beings, and all 3D entities, as their own separate identities to souls.  With their own self-awareness.  This is a misperception.  The Human Shell may be aware and intelligent, but it is not self-aware, only capable of self-awareness.  I'm rereading my own posts, how did you guys not notice me losing my mind, I lost coherency at areas and went total extremist, since at the time I Literally Believed I was in Hell.  It was like there was a new perspective that just got pile-drived into my brain.  It was like moving from my current perspective in time/space to a darker place in time/space, just to give my space/time self some overview.  And it was closer to my perception of reality drastically and suddenly changing, my mind became stuck on horror and madness and insanity, the sorrow was more painful than saddening, the air felt sharp, the empty space all around me felt like it was charged with sinister intent to harm me until I was broken.  It felt like I was literally in hell, without being right there in the black.

And for that overview and all of these experiences, I basically got one thing out of it.

And with the system of suicide being utterly pointless locked into place (I'll just be back here doing it all over again eventually.)  I want to thank you all for still sticking around despite the thread getting pretty off topic.  I don't think I'll be on B4 as often since some odd things are happening in this forum alone it seems but I will just ask every member.  With the state of the forums at the level of activity they're at now, it's best not to So-what;Leave anyone here if you don't want to discourage new members to stay and nonmembers to join.  If they see some posters who just respond to someone's issues in that way, it'd push me away pretty fast from this place so I imagine I'm not the only one.  I wouldn't have come back if I didn't want to, and I was truly certain at the time of posting that, that I was going to just leave.  It's why I didn't set an avatar or a signature for this place, I'm used to just leaving most forums, because most of them devolve into 'hang outs' for the regular members who just troll everyone, the last forum I frequented had devolved into members who posted pictures similar to how Isis does, but trolling and insulting everyone to get them to leave.  Where as Isis is just hilarious~ I don't think it'd be fair to the B4 crew to disadvertise their forum by being...Not what is asked of us here.

So, food for thought guys, don't be sarcastic or mean in these topics of spiritual personal subjects, towards newer members until you're sure they're around to stay for a bit and can actually handle some criticism and crudeness from another person online, otherwise stick to the literal First Guideline of the forum.

As for what I learned all of this.  It was how to love indifference.

Indifference is the absence of Love, but it is in itself near the bottom of the scale of Love, it isn't the complete lack of Love, it is similar to Unconditional Love in that it reacts in ways that sometimes appear the same, but in intent everything is the exact opposite.
Indifference is also in itself a positive thing, for those who live very hard lives, indifference can be used in a neutral and even a positive sense, becoming indifferent to another's anger in order to to bridge one's self towards a better approach of handling them.
I saw it in myself and often hated it.  I thought Indifference meant you just stopped caring completely without any care for the outcome or the process.  Turns out that's Apathy.  Indifference is silencing emotions.  Love is providing emotions.  Apathy is ignoring emotions.

The Self-Orientations aren't all cruel in indifference, they may truly feel bad for what they must do, and the Other-Orientations aren't all Loving in Unconditional Love, some must use indifference to survive the madness they also give love towards.

I chose while in Hell to be of Service to All, regardless of Orientation.  Myself and All Others, the whole where I truly and realistically can.  Because having seen just that bright glimpse of darkness gives me the idea good enough as is.  The mental control, the emotional take over, the force over your action, the loss of free will and the realization of being controlled and being powerless were all I could achieve.

So, when I see someone like Mjlabadia tell me I seem more awake or aware, but then somehow more distant and gone...
I fell into a Hell Hole and climbed out, but the visit was...  Inspiring.  Along the way I want you to know, Mjlabadia, that your words won't fall short for me, and I may misunderstand them, and even be mad at them or annoyed or sad or anything at them...Because I am Human.  I am a Human, as a Soul I don't want to identify as not Human right now.  I feel this is a very powerful but uncertain time for me, and I feel like there has been much work leading up to this, huge obvious synchronicities that basically screamed in my face, "I AM THE UNIVERSE AND I APOLOGIZE"

So, Mjlabadia, please don't jeopardize your job or anything for someone like me.  I am not a saint.  I am a 'sperm donor' Father, I'm quiet and timid, docile and anxious, doubtful and uncertain.  When in doubt, I default to the mentality, All I Know Truly is I Know Nothing.  So when in uncertain territory I'm left with my own wits.  I have failed my entire life up to this point, failed school, failed friends, failed family, failed work, failed life.  I'm working back up into the C grade range for my life but please.  Please do not ever see me as a Saint or someone awake or knowledgeable.  I am Human.  I am no better or worse than you or anyone else here.

And I might be anything from schizo, to bipolar, to dementia, to simply randomly accessing the Gateway to Infinity, all perspectives are available, and I was looking for indifference.

...Also...So I cursed the Infinite Creator many times while there in Hell in my mind, believing the One itself to be cruel and curious of torture, finding that the Original Thought as it was expressed to us may not have been the One Original Thought, but the Original Thought tweaked from its premise.Ra literally says this is what the Creator does overall around the 70's+ sessions, they said the goal of the Creator is to re-experience itself.  Which makes me think we're all going through a One-and-Only existence all culminating up to the Whole, but along the way because Time is an illusion itself, allows for paradoxes, disconnections, and even straight up chaos in the manner of operations.  A 6D entity can control it's life partially and direct it's younger self towards it's current self.  If there were ever a being who first went through it all (The Infinite Creator?), I imagine they'd eventually realize how an infinite time-loop clause can exist at all. (You all know the plot device, a time traveling character that interacts with their self and creates an infinite loop, that if broken supposedly will screw things all up).  When in reality, it's not infinite, it had a beginning that only appears infinite because in the first incarnation within space/time where one meets their future self, they are interacting in a way that is still plausible.  Being in the present, but simultaneity being the way of the Universe, the present is all-present within a Moment, and if a Continuum is nested inside the Moment, then it's past, present, and future are all occurring at the same time, allowing a future self to come back to a past self from their present, which is also the present of their past-present self causing what appears to be an infinite loop where out of nowhere this thing happens that must happen, and it will happen to every single version of yourself.  When in actuality, you're future self can experience it either as from their past they did not meet themselves, or they did and are now continuing the loop from the higher end.  Either way, it's all allowable.

I'm pretty sure I went through some kind of...Cleansing, my thoughts and Will power haven't felt this buffed in a while.  I feel like I could meditate.  (I actually just got an amethyst 4" orb in today, totally gonna meditate with it and see if the golden rays of Amethyst don't help my energy body relax and ease up on its recent..Explosions of horror.)

So I now want to thank the Universe a bit, and apologize to my Guides and many others who I even tried to force away energetically thinking they were just also just apathetic beings doing what they Will.

And I wasn't struck down...I wasn't punished.  I was almost rewarded.

...That great big empty space is engineering genius!  It contains within it INFINITE POSSIBILITY!  See, and here you thought it was an empty meaningless space

P.S. I think I've messed up an already long post by somehow adding some large space at the bottom. Moderators I'm sorry.
 Clearly my "great engineering skills" at work.







 

  
 
  
 
 

 


   
  

    

   
  


 

*Dang it. How do I hit backspace... Is it delete or backspace... Aarrgghh...*

Why not Both?  -tries to press both at the same time-

eh!~Meep! -disappears-

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