Learning to Love Indifference

[mjlabadia]

Hi Van,
  I'm sorry if my post contributed to the digression of the thread.  I was associating your O.P. here, with a previous thread you made.

  I misunderstood your big picture, and identified with it as an analog to my little picture suffering. I should have thought about your 
posts more before identifying my personal experience with it.

 I think Diana came much closer to the mark.

 However, I still feel we may have a piece of each others' puzzle.

 I can tell by the syntax in your posts, I'm not as spiritually awake as you are.

 But I pray something in my narrative here can help ease your suffering.

 Van,......the "Higher Perspective".......that "Big Picture" stuff,.......it can be REALLY BIG.  

 This level of Spiritual Evolution or "Awakeness" can be excruciating, because the enhanced vision we have
seems not to be backed-up with enough incarnative experience to help us process the the horrors we see.

  At times, I've allowed the "Big Picture" to overwhelm and interfere with my incarnation here.

 I see the suffering and pain you see. I think we all do. I perceive we here in the forum feel, or "sense" it
more acutely than perhaps does "Joe Sixpack".
 
    I don't think any of us has the understanding to provide ALL of the answers you seek. I sometimes wonder 
if we are even supposed to have that level of understanding at this stage.

 But,...........I've found some things that relieve MY suffering,......and I hope they might help you. 
 Please forgive any cliche sounding "mjlabadia-isms" that follow:

 When it gets too big,....and too spiritually painful for me,....I shrink my perspective.

 Sometimes I have to shrink it down to the "RIGHT NOW" and to the "MYSELF". 
 "It's o.k. right now. I accept the next 5 seconds
of my incarnation."
  The suffering is still out there, the horrors and atrocities still go on. But right now,....."I am O.K."
  I'm not in a position to affect the  "Great Out There",......I'm not strong enough right now. 
 I don't fully understand the "why" of all this, and THAT'S O.K.
  
 I tell myself these things. If only for the next 5 seconds,....10 seconds,......minute. 

 Van,...it doesn't CHANGE a damned thing. The 3D world remains cruel,.....the atrocities still
go on,.....the ***holes still seem to rule,.....and my rabbits STILL chew my ****ing computer cable!!

  However,..... my RELATIONSHIP with all of that changes. 

 But Van,....more importantly,....there IS love.
 We're all here,..trying to understand your suffering. Trying to give some answer.

 Van, I'm supposed to be designing Band-Pass filters for a South Korean Navy Comms site right now.
 I'm here with my pathetic typing skills, wracking my three brain cells for the right thing to say to you.
  
  I started typing this at 11:00 a.m. The noon siren at the firehouse down the mountain went off and I told 
myself,...."Dammit Jamie,....you have to get back to work." 
  
  Now it's 1:56 p.m.  And because I know your a very smart and awakened person, I've re-written this 4 times.
 Why?.....Because I know your not going to take some B.S. platitude from me. I won't reach you with that. And that's as it should be.

 But Van,...don't you see?..........THAT'S THE HONEY! THAT'S THE LOVE. 

 What else would motivate us to spend this time responding, but Love?

 It's small,.... not grand,.... not cosmic,.... just a seed. It's here in the small things. 
  
 Perhaps it's those small seeds we're supposed to be giving the most attention to. 

 Perhaps if we can balance our far looking telescopic view of the universe, with an equal measure of near field viewing with the
unaided eye, we might be able to see more love..........Van, even if it means just seeing the Love in yourself.
  
  It's there inside you in great measures. You wouldn't give a damn about most of what you've posted if there wasn't an immense 
amount of love in you.
 And, we wouldn't be here responding if there wasn't Love. (I'd be skinning my rabbits if it weren't for love,.....spoiled monsters!!)

 So now,....before I get back to work,.....I'm going to re-read this post once again. And,......probably make more "adjustments."

 Why? Because I'll try to put myself in your shoes as your reading it. And pray that I have said some small thing to encourage you.

 All of us on this thread doing it out of Love. Out of Compassion. Because we all know that pain, and that confusion.

 Van,.......there IS Love.

                                               Sincerely
                                                Jamie


P.S. I think I've messed up an already long post by somehow adding some large space at the bottom. Moderators I'm sorry.
 Clearly my "great engineering skills" at work.