The impulse to protect and polarization (Guns)

[Diana]

Working at a gas station at nights I had to literally devise a manner of how to act in congruency with my beliefs in such areas.  I'd rather live and let live than die.

With a gun that means trying not to go for lethal hits (I do want to learn how to best down and incapacitate with body shots.)

Seriously, why not defend yourself with intent not to kill?

Why don't you learn self-defense? There are effective self-defense gun techniques even. It would change your feeling about being at a disadvantage. It doesn't mean you would no longer want to protect yourself with a gun perhaps, but you will feel less need for it. A few classes won't do it though. You must reach a point where you have accumulated enough muscle memory and confidence, and hopefully find a good teacher.