05-13-2015, 12:50 PM
Lately I've had my sense of self thrown into question due to the normal clause of Selfishly being Selfless isn't Selfless but Selfish.
It made me question myself for a while, but also answered many questions as to what happened to me and why everything slowed then stopped for a bit.
I picked up the Law of One principles and placed them into practice specifically to graduate Harvest, but the desire evolved into a genuine want to give Love, after a while it slowly moved back into wanting to perform simply to graduate, which pulled me out of my 'groove' if you will.
I miss that Groove dearly. I wish I could permanently treat everyone with that level of Love I had attained. How better I could make the world around me...
Now I see that I have a selfish desire to treat others with Love as I would want to be. It at times leads me into genuinely wanting to provide care to another person when I can.
I found there was something of a spiritual desire that pinged me when I read the phrase, Surrendering to the Infinite Creator Within, in order to Be the Infinite Creator Outwards. It really hit something inside of me, that just perked up and was like, "I want to do that. It's been silently within me as a desire ever since.
I feel like I'd be the type who'd be okay with living the life of a Monk, quiet and serene life, working diligently in my pursuits while seeking my spirituality...
Why can't there be a Law of One Temple?!! Nyuuuuhhn. I joke about making one, but I've no idea how I ever would fund that. I honestly for a time thought about making a Way of One religion in the sense of a practiced Philosophy of Openness, Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Unconditional Love and used to consider the building that would be it's 'Church' or Temple or what not, Place of Service, would double as a Homeless Children and Young Adult Home for people to work at the church for a living for free, and I figured I'd do some checking to see if I could somehow aid in funding their education and what not.
I had an entire plan (detailed and then erased by a hard drive failure...) and I still do, but I just don't ever see it actually occurring or happening. Not unless I can get funding and resources to actually do such a thing legally and literally.
I feel like I'm empathic in nature, closer to comfortably finding myself while aiding others. There was a Star Trek: TNG episode about an Empath who having discovered it's sense of individuality and thusly 'experiencing itself' discovers genuine love for the one who aided it in discovering itself.
I have an odd feeling I'm a bit similar, not literally a full empathic Human in that I mirror perfectly for anyone, but closer to that I am highly empathic and capable of providing what is needed to someone if I utilize my own internal resources correctly, and that in finding my self I genuinely find I Love others as well more and more for helping me do so. But then it gets to a point where I know myself so well I begin fading out, not by choice, but seemingly naturally, until I start losing my own individual self and begin just...Being from Moment to Moment a new and wondrous existence.
But it was scary enough that I didn't know how to properly integrate that manner of Being into myself. Which slipped me downwards into selfishly loving again.
I joke that I've a Third Way. Service to Self and Others. Selfishly loving aiding others for I desire to treat others as I want to be treated, and in turn providing Love in a manner that I desire to be of Service. Even if I'm at the literal 51/49 percentile area with STO/STS, It'd be enough, but my choice is of Service to Others, even if my intent is inherently STS, it defeats the self polarization if it does more good for them than it does for me, and aids self polarization if it does more good for me than them, which allows for a slow but gradual increase in a sense being in the way people would unknowingly polarize, wavering between acts of Selfishness and Selflessness. I hope it allows me a more appropriate manner of operation than my previous try several months prior... Where I really did approach everything with Love in intent to be of Service, exploded in polarization and finally slowed down when everything unaligned naturally over time of me not performing maintenance on myself.
I find it harder and harder not to feel like a Wanderer as I talk about my self. Though I today wondered if I was 5th Density, it feels possible, but for some reason I feel like 6th may be more proper. I'm not entirely sure.
It made me question myself for a while, but also answered many questions as to what happened to me and why everything slowed then stopped for a bit.
I picked up the Law of One principles and placed them into practice specifically to graduate Harvest, but the desire evolved into a genuine want to give Love, after a while it slowly moved back into wanting to perform simply to graduate, which pulled me out of my 'groove' if you will.
I miss that Groove dearly. I wish I could permanently treat everyone with that level of Love I had attained. How better I could make the world around me...
Now I see that I have a selfish desire to treat others with Love as I would want to be. It at times leads me into genuinely wanting to provide care to another person when I can.
I found there was something of a spiritual desire that pinged me when I read the phrase, Surrendering to the Infinite Creator Within, in order to Be the Infinite Creator Outwards. It really hit something inside of me, that just perked up and was like, "I want to do that. It's been silently within me as a desire ever since.
I feel like I'd be the type who'd be okay with living the life of a Monk, quiet and serene life, working diligently in my pursuits while seeking my spirituality...
Why can't there be a Law of One Temple?!! Nyuuuuhhn. I joke about making one, but I've no idea how I ever would fund that. I honestly for a time thought about making a Way of One religion in the sense of a practiced Philosophy of Openness, Acceptance, Forgiveness, and Unconditional Love and used to consider the building that would be it's 'Church' or Temple or what not, Place of Service, would double as a Homeless Children and Young Adult Home for people to work at the church for a living for free, and I figured I'd do some checking to see if I could somehow aid in funding their education and what not.
I had an entire plan (detailed and then erased by a hard drive failure...) and I still do, but I just don't ever see it actually occurring or happening. Not unless I can get funding and resources to actually do such a thing legally and literally.
I feel like I'm empathic in nature, closer to comfortably finding myself while aiding others. There was a Star Trek: TNG episode about an Empath who having discovered it's sense of individuality and thusly 'experiencing itself' discovers genuine love for the one who aided it in discovering itself.
I have an odd feeling I'm a bit similar, not literally a full empathic Human in that I mirror perfectly for anyone, but closer to that I am highly empathic and capable of providing what is needed to someone if I utilize my own internal resources correctly, and that in finding my self I genuinely find I Love others as well more and more for helping me do so. But then it gets to a point where I know myself so well I begin fading out, not by choice, but seemingly naturally, until I start losing my own individual self and begin just...Being from Moment to Moment a new and wondrous existence.
But it was scary enough that I didn't know how to properly integrate that manner of Being into myself. Which slipped me downwards into selfishly loving again.
I joke that I've a Third Way. Service to Self and Others. Selfishly loving aiding others for I desire to treat others as I want to be treated, and in turn providing Love in a manner that I desire to be of Service. Even if I'm at the literal 51/49 percentile area with STO/STS, It'd be enough, but my choice is of Service to Others, even if my intent is inherently STS, it defeats the self polarization if it does more good for them than it does for me, and aids self polarization if it does more good for me than them, which allows for a slow but gradual increase in a sense being in the way people would unknowingly polarize, wavering between acts of Selfishness and Selflessness. I hope it allows me a more appropriate manner of operation than my previous try several months prior... Where I really did approach everything with Love in intent to be of Service, exploded in polarization and finally slowed down when everything unaligned naturally over time of me not performing maintenance on myself.
I find it harder and harder not to feel like a Wanderer as I talk about my self. Though I today wondered if I was 5th Density, it feels possible, but for some reason I feel like 6th may be more proper. I'm not entirely sure.