05-08-2015, 02:13 PM
Hi VanAlioSaldo! I finally read your whole Wanderer story. I saw a lot of parallels with my life! Here are some tips from my POV that may aid:
I've also experienced the isolation of having abusive/addict parents and very few friends and too many enemies. It is tough and lonely. In my age I've taken one big reward from my experience: I am hardly shaped by others. Don't get me wrong, society seeped in many places, but for the most part, throughout my childhood and into my adulthood I have kept what I believe a sense of self and identity that most aren't as lucky to keep, because they have very involved parents or others in their lives. I'm not saying this is bad, to be influenced by others, but I take comfort that I have a couple steps ahead on the path of knowing myself. I always saw my (quite insufferable) family as distinct other-selves, which kept me from identifying too much with their issues. Big help!
Take also the fact that blurry memories are a godsend. The past is just as fluid as the present, I've learned and been trying to integrate. I too have fuzzy memories, but just from general dissociation as a child. Of course in meditation it is totally possible to re-access these memories, and then subsequently reprogram them. On that note, one meditation technique I use often is to find my sad, lonely, child self, and cradle her with all the love, compassion, and acceptance she needed but never got. It really helps.
I, too, understand the emotional triggers with marijuana. My mother was/is a big addict, and she didn't do a lot to hide the cannabis smoking (she would smoke it while she was driving the car and we were in the backseat, she would have her scales and baggies out on the bed when I came in her bedroom...) so for a long time I thought pot was evil. It wasn't until later that I realized my mother had much more serious drug problems that caused her psychosis (meth), and then subsequently the same with my stepmom - she very obviously did drugs, and marijuana was one of them, but her real issues stemmed from the cocktail of prescription drugs that she took every day. I refused to try smoking anything or any alcohol until after I was out of highschool, but now I love marijuana. I drank for a few years but gave that up, smoked cigarettes for a while but that is gone too (though there is a hookah bar I drive by daily that looks tempting so tobacco may be in my future again...) but weed is my friend. <3
As far as your darling Clem goes, contact him, let him know you're ready for another chance. I've had a few incarnations of beloved pets, and you can just hope to do better. Don't feel guilty, the lessons you taught him were ones he needed to learn, and now he can come back to a new you and learn new lessons of love!
And finally, as far as steampunkish goes, it's a very familiar energy and yes, it is trolling in nature. So don't give it too much thought. Not only can one not know surely what their home density is (though if they are in good contact with their higher self it can safely be said to be 6th.....), one can definitely not know what density they are from based upon their education and job within the societal framework. I strongly resonate with begin a 6th density wanderer, and I work part time at a jazz bar and am a community college drop out. I am 29. These things hardly correlate to my spiritual development.
I've also experienced the isolation of having abusive/addict parents and very few friends and too many enemies. It is tough and lonely. In my age I've taken one big reward from my experience: I am hardly shaped by others. Don't get me wrong, society seeped in many places, but for the most part, throughout my childhood and into my adulthood I have kept what I believe a sense of self and identity that most aren't as lucky to keep, because they have very involved parents or others in their lives. I'm not saying this is bad, to be influenced by others, but I take comfort that I have a couple steps ahead on the path of knowing myself. I always saw my (quite insufferable) family as distinct other-selves, which kept me from identifying too much with their issues. Big help!
Take also the fact that blurry memories are a godsend. The past is just as fluid as the present, I've learned and been trying to integrate. I too have fuzzy memories, but just from general dissociation as a child. Of course in meditation it is totally possible to re-access these memories, and then subsequently reprogram them. On that note, one meditation technique I use often is to find my sad, lonely, child self, and cradle her with all the love, compassion, and acceptance she needed but never got. It really helps.
I, too, understand the emotional triggers with marijuana. My mother was/is a big addict, and she didn't do a lot to hide the cannabis smoking (she would smoke it while she was driving the car and we were in the backseat, she would have her scales and baggies out on the bed when I came in her bedroom...) so for a long time I thought pot was evil. It wasn't until later that I realized my mother had much more serious drug problems that caused her psychosis (meth), and then subsequently the same with my stepmom - she very obviously did drugs, and marijuana was one of them, but her real issues stemmed from the cocktail of prescription drugs that she took every day. I refused to try smoking anything or any alcohol until after I was out of highschool, but now I love marijuana. I drank for a few years but gave that up, smoked cigarettes for a while but that is gone too (though there is a hookah bar I drive by daily that looks tempting so tobacco may be in my future again...) but weed is my friend. <3
As far as your darling Clem goes, contact him, let him know you're ready for another chance. I've had a few incarnations of beloved pets, and you can just hope to do better. Don't feel guilty, the lessons you taught him were ones he needed to learn, and now he can come back to a new you and learn new lessons of love!
And finally, as far as steampunkish goes, it's a very familiar energy and yes, it is trolling in nature. So don't give it too much thought. Not only can one not know surely what their home density is (though if they are in good contact with their higher self it can safely be said to be 6th.....), one can definitely not know what density they are from based upon their education and job within the societal framework. I strongly resonate with begin a 6th density wanderer, and I work part time at a jazz bar and am a community college drop out. I am 29. These things hardly correlate to my spiritual development.
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