The Tired Philosopher.

[VanAlioSaldo]

Hello Dear Joe,

First of all Thank You for Sharing.

You had really hard and difficult life and I think it should be acknowledged that You’ve done Amazing work to find your-Self in current point/place in your life. I realize it wasn’t “straight line” for You and that most often You haven’t seen “good/positive” aspect of your life-Journey, but there is something within You, that made You survive all that and to reach the point of offering Love to Other-Selves. That alone is uncanny and I would like You to know, that I do acknowledging it.

Below I’ve putted couple of quotes from your post that I would like to comment on:

I.  Thank you.  I'm not sure I'd give myself that much credit, my life has honestly been.  ...Okay maybe I need to work on that for myself.  I attribute it only to basically this unspoken rule I had in my head, that looking back I'm about 85% sure was a pre-incarnative aid, that basically said Suicide was not an option.  Which also makes me ponder if I'm a normal 3D soul, or a 6D soul caught up in a karmic cycle.

When I got into the sessions on archetypes, something happened.  I was becoming aware of Life as suddenly feeling Dream Like.  Even to this day I get those times where everything is painstakingly hard to differentiate from a Dream like reality.

I’ve never had an extended experience like that, but I do have sometimes “glimpses” of such perception. Suddenly the entire World/Reality become unreal and I find difficult to physically operate within it. It’s almost as my Consciousness is “pulling out” of this reality and I feel extremely vast and unspeakable “background” that overwhelms me. I usually get such experience when I have to be focused and operate efficiently in this reality, so I usually try to shake it off after couple of seconds – and I always do.
My point is, that I do know this feeling and it is something unique. I’m not sure what are your feelings about it, but for me those are positive experiences, even though the timing isn’t fortunate for exploring them (so far anyway).

Oh no!  It was incredible timing, my entire life got better, I became friends with my most recent ex who was also my best friend prior to our dating, I renewed a lot of friendships (that in retrospect have proven to be dropped for a reason), I took up an entirely new personality though, I immediately and rapidly integrated spirit into belief, I had prior belief of souls from the Journey of Souls 4 different books and a plethora of NDE reports I had been reading since I was around 16.  I also am of a somewhat...Higher curiosity degree, granting me a higher degree of what I joke of as 'Creativity' as a type of Intelligence.  Though intelligence wise, I'm apparently INFJ interchanging with I think...Um.  It was the rarest one.  I honestly didn't like how big of a hype that gave a few people about me at school so I just sort of forgot it.  I've also popped up when doing those tests in a more empathetic state as the servant titled so I'm assumptive (with fear of sounding arrogant) of being a smart servant type.  And yet I'd make a horrible Butler...But Alfred would be a good role model...
Anyways.  Between all of that, I was also predisposed towards scientific phenomena until I came across Journey of Souls and NDE's and finally linked it all together with the Ra Material.

The dream perspective was disorienting only in that it was like I was lucid dreaming, without the added perks of dreaming.  Full control of everything about me...Except that.  Maybe it was, looking back, a type of sensory perception change from operating so much at the Open Heart level.  It was almost like reality spoke to me about what was going on.  It was what made polarizing so easy to do efficiently, I could understand this...Thing I called The Moment that was Love that I could See and Operate inside of while in an Open Heart.

I eagerly, almost...Yes, impatiently await the day when I can return to that conscious state.

I do believe myself to be of 6th Density, I do honestly hope I'm a part of the Ra Social Memory Complex since for some reason, their words just sound like my own, their concepts all, every single one, rings true for me.  As I first read the Ra Material I actually cried because I felt like I had finally found something True and Real.  I mean, I bawled my eyes out at one point.  The relief of suddenly knowing I have never been alone, in a life FULL of being alone.  I realized being Alone was an illusion.  I mean, seriously, the word ALONE is in itself ALL ONE put together again.  I had this massive desire to continue the Ra Contact for some reason, though I honestly doubt I ever will get the chance to.

You’ve described, in my opinion, a very profound Experience with The Law of One. When I was reading The Law of One for the first time, I also had feelings that “I already knew that” or that this Knowledge is “The Truth”. But it didn’t touched me so deeply as It did You.

Why do You think, that You won’t be able to continue Ra contact? Who says You cannot?
Draw as much as You can from Don/Carla/Jim Complex Experiences – if You honestly wish to try, find Other-Selves for this Quest. Ra require a Group of Beings that are One voice, One Desire in Service to Others. Pursue this, if YOU feel You want/desire it.

Honestly, it's because I don't know the full circumstances, how much they worked through or anything about them.  Except Carla, since she shared some experiences of her's in her writing.  And mostly, straight honestly, is because I have lived a long life of isolation in terms of making connections.  In terms of energetics or my chakra body, I shut down portions of my yellow chakra when I was a child, and deeply stuffed away very violent and horrid emotions as a young child.  A lot of things about my life will take...And I do hate to admit this, but it's going to take me a very long time to fully integrate all of these things fully but most importantly, timely.  Without moving too fast, without going too slow.  It's a lot of things and I am honestly a very...  Split-Up type of person.  I'm not diagnosed bipolar but between the Light side and the Dark side, some days I don't know what I want and others I think I understand more clearly than I normally do.  I take it as being in a bad state of flux in regards to openness of my chakra system.  Or perhaps its a perfect example of how I have much issues with me emotional and mentally that I can't afford nor do I desire to seek professional help for, due to such bad experiences in the past.  I honestly only ever wanted a friend to talk to about these things, but I never found one until my ex, who turned out, didn't actually care.

So all the way along the way up to 21, out of 22 years, I've had a rough time of barely slipping by without completely ruining my life in terms of law.  As far as economically goes, my mom made me go to college right out of high school for her tax exemptions, put me 14k in debt and not much idea what I wanted to do.  As far as schooling goes.  I'm running out of time, and as far as money goes, I'm not the worst, but it's enough to make me wonder if I should bother with it for 25 years, or just wait and hope the economy crumbles before I'm imprisoned for it.

...Kidding.  I honestly know its a yellow ray issue, and I want to be open and okay with it all and pay it off somehow.  Beyond all of that.

I think my biggest issue, is doubt, worry, and fear.  I do not believe myself to be able to perform that kind of contact, nor do I believe I will have created bonds efficient and powerful enough between two others before I'm too old to perform the contact.

It's a big downer on my part.  Ra made a Cosmic Joke about Don's Ra Material Manifesting, I laughed and laughed at the fact they made a cosmic pun.  At that moment, I realized I really wanted to talk to Ra, or at the least, aid Ra in their mission.

I am seeking and I oh so desperately, so badly, BADLY wish I could just know my name.  If I could afford it I'd do age regression hypnosis to peer into my pre-incarnative state to at the very least, learn my name.  I do not know what this obsession of knowing my soul name is all about, but for some reason it drives me. As does the belief that the Law of One is truly more expansive and involving than Ra let's on.

“Name” is not You. Ra comment on that at the occasion of Don ‘s question about the “Council of Saturn”:

(7.9)
Questioner: I have a question about that Council. Who are the members,
and how does the Council function?

Ra: I am Ra. The members of the Council are representatives from the
Confederation and from those vibratory levels of your inner planes bearing
responsibility for your third density. The names are not important because
there are no names. Your mind/body/spirit complexes request names and
so, in many cases, the vibratory sound complexes which are consonant with
the vibratory distortions of each entity are used. However, the name
concept is not part of the Council. If names are requested, we will attempt
them. However, not all have chosen names.  
(…)

RA also said, that “names” are usually picked – if needed – and they correspond with “vibrations of an Entity”. So maybe your longings for your “true name” is in fact a longing for something different – something incomprehensible in this reality, and thus described by label/word “name”. I think this may be something far deeper/vaster than it appears to be – in other words, You may be looking for something more than “just” your “designation”.

Please forgive me if I'm a bit stern.  There's a lot of out of context use of Ra Material I've noticed.  In the case of a human ego desiring to know his soul's name, it could be as you've said, but in my instance of this 'pull' I feel, I think it may be more a defining moment of helping me realize myself.  Though in this instance of someone expressing such a powerful desire, it may not be perceived as kind to try and dissuade them.

Ra in this instance again recalls unity, that names are distortions, this is true for probably a huge portion of the creation.  However in the culture of Humanity on 3D Earth, names play integral roles.  On the Council of Saturn, I imagine names are not nearly as important culturally speaking.  Beyond any of that, in Journey of Souls, soul names sometimes play along with aspects of that soul, and names are interchangeable or even evolving, so a current soul name may even apply to a current incarnation as a type of aid.

I really want to know my Self, as a Soul, my name is just the beginning of doing that I guess.

I am Love and Light, and you cannot injure that which I am, you cannot destroy me or ruin me.  I am not muddied and soiled or broken and destroyed.  I am the Creator and the Created.  I am not unlike you, but I am also unique and different from you.  Yet we are all similar, if not, nearly the same.  

I really like how You’ve expressed it. I think above is something, that Everyone should read and take it to Heart. This is a Manifesto of a Self-Conscious Creator.
Thank You for that.

Honestly, I can be hurt though, so be gentle

And I honestly guess if I had any regret right now in my life...  It'd be one thing.  I had a cat named Clem, who passed away literally a few months before I awoke.  I did not treat my Clem very well when I was a child, since we grew up together.  And honestly I know, I know I could have given him so much more love.
(...)
But then there's Clem.  Who, because I simply just did not pet him enough and give him enough attention, I find myself still crying about how much more I could have done for him as a consciousness.  I personally feel like I failed myself in that aspect, a reminder that I must still forgive myself for that, but just don't want to right now simply because it's not time.

Do not regret but instead be Grateful for that Clem was part of your life. He was there for You and You was there for Him. You both chosen your lives and agreed to participate in this experience before You were present in this Reality. What happened, was necessary and it served it ‘s purpose.
Besides form what You’ve wrote, Clem is still influencing You and best You can do right now, is to Honored Him by constructively using/integrating your experiences with Him, in your current and future life (i.e. as You wrote, to respect and do no harm to second and first density Beings).

I actually, before Clem died, once was very very mean to a roommates dog.  I look at that as something I must take action to remediate.  As such, I want to adopt a dog from a shelter one day.  Provide it love.  That roommate was a horrible person towards me though, and his dog followed suit.  That was a very dark time in my life.

Productive for my level of climbing/learning

I’m Glad You’ve used additional word/label to describe your Understanding/Feeling of “learning process”. “Climbing” indicates forceful “pulling Self up”.

I Understand/Feel label/process of learning differently. It is very hard to express in words, therefore I’ll use imperfect analogy.
All experiences/knowledge/understanding that I’m gaining – in many, many different fields of activity, spheres of life – is like a “water filling a container”, where “container” is my “capacity for growth in this existence”. I, my Consciousness, my-Self, is on the surface of the water and It “is raised” by raising water level within above mentioned “container”.

I’m uncertain if I wrote above in understandable fashion – it’s like putting a light object into a bucket – when You pouring the water into the bucket, this light object (a Conscious/Self form example above) is rising together with level of water surface. Not forcefully, but “naturally”, together with the “flow of Experience/Knowledge/Understanding”.

---

As always – all above is only my opinion and an imperfect attempt to Serve You best I can.


All I have Best in me for You

No, that made perfect sense to me.  If that's your way then so be it.  I think my way is closer to the phrase...  "To balance the paradoxes of Self's desire in order to bridge to Spirit the Mastery of Reconciling Opposites to a Whole."

Simultaneity is important to me, but next to this is a huge desire to heal people, to provide aid and relief from the type of suffering I know so well.  No one deserves to be so pained.

And thank you.  I have not been able to talk about myself in a long time.  I'm having a hard time keeping short what I have to say.  I do apologize, and.

I apologize a lot.  Often.  Annoyingly lol.  I have never been apologized too often as a kid, more or less my mom used to blame me or my dad for everything, and everyone else didn't care.  As such I take people apologizing, even just sorrowfully or apologetically, very dearly.  It aids me in forgiving people so much more quickly.  When people apologize sincerely to me, I find I can't not accept that apology.  Unless they're of the type who only do so to manipulate me.

Fun times those people provided me in realizing apologizing was a means of manipulation too.  Invaluable to me now.