What are you afraid of (spiritually)?

[Zachary]

I mean this on a spiritual basis. I could say I'm afraid of doing poorly at work and losing my job, but I want something that's deeper.

I'm afraid of losing my mind. That I might act outside of myself and hurt someone. That I might end up in a place mentally that rocks my world again, like it had in the past. I'm afraid of the times when I think all the bad stuff is my fault.

In "Spirit of the Forest" they accidentally set fire to their clubhouse, and I was blaming myself for that. I thought if I went up in the densities too quickly that I would torch my creation.

I am slightly afraid of creation, that what I create might not be what I like. I am afraid of being swallowed by a black hole spiritually.

I'm afraid that after all this hard work, that I won't be good enough. That somehow I'll fail, and have to do it all again.

I'm afraid of when I think I'm in heaven, that it's not real, and can cause me to make rash decisions. Once I was about to drive and leave for Colorado. I would have lost everything. But I thought I had died and gone to heaven, so driving to Colorado was expected of me. I would have lost my dog Loki, and possibly my life. I'm not scared of death, but I'm not too big on dying. From what I hear wolfdogs are illegal in Colorado. One county over from me they are illegal as well.

I am afraid that if I wandered that maybe I wandered from a negative planet, and would have to return there after my life is done. I am afraid of my life review and the pain I'll have to feel of everyone and every animal I have hurt.

I am afraid that I don't have enough love for everyone. That my love is conditional. That I find it hard to open my heart enough. I fear that I might never again feel that wonderful unconditional love in my heart that I once felt.

But most of all I'm afraid that I might never be able to go home, being a wanderer forever. That maybe I totally gave up my previous life to wander endlessly.

Why do I wonder things like this? I don't know.

Gemini Wolf, 

Are you willing to take full responsibility for your thoughts and actions, even a midst the difficulty of mental health challenges?

Will you continue you to adopt the victim mindset, and is it really serving you? 

Seeing yourself as the victim will never satisfy you. It will only perpetuate the fearful thoughts you have. You can keep doing it of course...its your life. 

But at some point you will realize...whether in this life or another life...that "hey, if I don't like being in this space that im in I have to put in EFFORT and DISCIPLE into creating the state that I DO want for myself.

Heres the thing. Yes life can be very difficult. Yes, You are afraid of things. So are many many other people...but what separates those who find peace and move to higher states of being and those who continue to drift aimlessly is WILL and DISCIPLINE. That means...when your feeling down...don't cry about it, don't complain about it....but say..."I realize I am down right now, but I am going to do everything I can in my power to find peace within myself. I will let go of these fearful thoughts and find my center before acting. I am not the body, I am Spirit and I have the tools I need to live a happy, peaceful life." Discipline means, even if you don't FEEL LIKE IT..or your so down you feel you can't see the light, you still make positive affirmations to yourself and you still STRIVE to maintain clarity and peace of mind. 

STO.... Consider how it affects others before you feel like indulging self destructive thoughts patterns. Many people see what is going on with you. We understand you have difficulties. People want to help you but you have to want to help yourself. If you don't want to help yourself...but constantly seek 'help' from others...people may find that draining and loose the desire to reach out or take your word seriously.

Stop feeding the victim mindset...stop feeding your fearful thoughts. I know you are strong enough to find peace within yourself Gemini Wolf, LONG TERM. It will take EFFORT and consistency and NOBODY is going to rescue you...not in this life or the next. We are all working on ourselves, all with our own unique and similar challenges. If we all adopted a negative mindset these forums wouldn't even exist. Imagine what the people who keep these forums go through and have gone through to give you this avenue of expression. You better believe they have been "challenged", just like you Gemini...maybe not in the exact same way...but do not take for granted the lives of others.

Your too lazy to help others? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT or accept that you choose to be lazy.

You wish this you wish that, wish all you want but what are you going to do about it?

The Choice is Yours.