Looking at Despair

[Diana]

there's a gigantic sea of horror inside me. i guess that's wut i constantly run from w the aid of alcohol & self sabotage. it's like if i don't have a f***** up scary life filled w jagged edges, caused by subconscious sabotage, the true horror would find me & i'd drown because it's too vast. it's too much to face alone but i am alone. there's no fixing it. wut's the point anyway? there's too much evil to accept that & stay sane.

I understand what you are describing and my heart goes out to you.