How much do you remember?

[Reaper]

I've had plenty of extremely vivid images in my head I could attribute to memory, but most of them conflict with one another, and while I find them entertaining I don't bank on the validity of any of them.

The most I would put my trust in is a more general sense of knowing, of places I've been, karma I've accumulated and what my general orientation and purpose were before coming here.

I feel nearly 100% sure that my origin is elsewhere, but I have had many incarnations on this planet. I feel an exceptionally strong affinity for the cultures of the Far East, particularly those of feudal Japan and China. This seems to be where I "started out." I would then speculate that I moved into Europe, having several incarnations in France, Turkey and the British Isles, and finally living a handful of lives in Native American culture, particularly the tribes of the southwest, such as the Hopis. It seems that always a great sorrow followed me, for I witnessed the downfall of several beautiful cultures and each time this happened it was like dying on the inside. As for what came before Earth...there are conflicting feelings of utopian peace and a dark struggle for power. It is too muddled to make much sense of it.

As for lessons, I get the strong sense that I have been involved in many violent acts throughout the centuries, as both perpetrator and victim, thus accumulating a great deal of karma. Any psychic I talk to picks up on this, though their stories vary. I feel that while my original purpose was to pursue wisdom and aid mankind, at some point I got sucked into a downward spiral of conflict and rage. I believe some of the unexplained physical difficulties I carry today are spiritual scars of deadly wounds in previous lives- in the left abdomen and behind my right shoulder blade. There are many challenges I face in this life I believe to be an attempt to alleviate that karma- a chance to resort to something other than anger and violence even when they are the easiest response.

I also have a vague sense of experiencing a sexual trauma that haunted me all the way into my present incarnation. I get feelings of being a prostitute, being abused by many men, having a miscarriage that crushed me emotionally and ultimately dying of a sexually transmitted disease. Throughout the entire experience I was intensely disgusted at myself for willingly allowing such things to happen to me. I felt dirty and believed I should have somehow made a better life for myself. Not only did this create ongoing sexual distortions through many lives, but it caused me to incarnate as male almost exclusively for quite some time, because I simply didn't want to face the struggles that came with being female in a male-dominated society. I feel I HAD to be female in this life, as there is much emotional processing to be done. The main lesson seems to be self-forgiveness and the acceptance of the emotions, which I naturally try to shut out when they become too intense. When under stress I will still revert to a cold and distinctly masculine personality, and have difficulty expressing what I would consider exclusively feminine qualities. 

There are rarely specific places, names or anything more than very general time periods attached to these feelings. I feel I have all I need to know in order to process my lessons.