07-14-2010, 02:25 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-14-2010, 02:31 AM by Godz Enigma.)
Welcome to my story. This post has been a year and 2 months coming. For anyone who has found this, and feels Lost, Alone, that no one understands you..and thinks your weird, and you yourself think you are going crazy.. you are scared to trust what you know as truth in your heart and memories. You are here for a reason, and you are not alone.
Before i start, i would like to state that this is extremely hard for me to write this....it's scary..it is so personal. I am going to reveal things here, that i have not told anyone...some things i HAVE told people...only to find out that, it is not "normal". I made one post here before, and never came back until about 3 weeks ago..i stumbled on it again, im sure through a link while researching the Ra Material... Anyhow, I am back now, and i want to share my story with you all, and learn from you, and hopefully start sharing some of my light.
* Synchronicity *
The day i found this forum, I was at work and was outside, seeing the usual points of light in the sky, and wondered if anyone else saw them....then of course i go back to my desk and continue to read more people's stories, and there was the answer; yep. I'm not alone seeing the points of light. Not going blind, not going crazy. That was May 12th...of last year. At the time i was married, had been for 8 years...to a very abusive, negative man. When i tell you that you could not FIND a MORE negative person,...please believe me. When i went home that night ( of the 12th) i got the usual hate spewed towards me, and went into my bedroom, got out my purple velvet journal, that i very rarely use, and wrote the following:
Tonight i make peace with myself. I promise myself that i will move forwards no longer stuck in the quicksand of hate and evil that you bring into my life.
I promise my higher self that i will be true to me, to us, to God and to Love, to Light. I will forgive myself, i will love myself and be true to the infinite being that i am.
I will pray that the real ________________ awakens and begins the journey and the tasks that i came here to do.
I pray this night to receive my true name, and in that name i will see the goddess i am and remember what i was sent here to do. It will give me strength.
I bath in the wind ( *NOTE* the window was open, and as i laid there on my bed writing this.. i could feel... and taste the energy from that may wind blowing in) and call upon the One Creator to awaken me from my slumber. As above, So below. This is my Wish, so Mote it Be.
I never came back to this forum, I didnt go back to work...because my husband left that night, and drove back to Boston. I was happy, yet devastated..But as always, my prayers were indeed, answered. And you can't imagine the magick that i have witnessed ( light and dark) since that day.
*The Earliest Memories*
*Laying in my crib A very warm, dim, light on..and looking up to see 3 shadows. And i knew they were my family. There was some discussion about my bottle.
My mom verified that she did have a small lamp in my room, across from my crib. I don't know how to describe this to you, other than to say that... i remember, that i WOULD remember that moment. It's as if my adult mind was there for a brief moment. Does this make sense? This happened alot when i think about certain things i thought about as a child. Like, looking in the mirror...A LOT when i was younger ( 6 - 10 years old..sometimes even now)...and thinking..who are you? I could never relate to the image i saw in the mirror.
The homesickness. Laying in bed at night when i was around 6 or 7...looking at the stars through my window, and crying..feeling so alone. Asking my real family to please come get me. One night that i can remember i was feeling that way...and something happened...I believe they revealed themselves to me , im not sure if i was dreaming, or awake or in between... i think i got scared...and suddenly, i felt warm and loved..and i was with tigers. Laying with them, feeling their fur..and was told that i was here for a little while..someday i would transform, and would return back to my family. Thats the best i can remember. All i can tell you is, from that point on... i really, really...with all my heart believed that. Somehow i got it into my child mind it would happen when i was 18, Not sure if that's what THEY said, or what *i* wanted...but, i can not tell you HOW DISAPPOINTED I WAS ON MY 18TH BIRTHDAY!! LOL However, looking back on the year i DID turn 18... it was the starting point of my real spiritual awakening. I just didnt know it then.
Again, at age 5-7 When i was in the bathtub, it was not just when i would look up at the stars, and i would feel very homesick. It was overwhelming...and once i even went to my mother, and said to her " mommy, i'm homesick" and she said " but you ARE home". I asked her once, when i was older, about 22 yrs. old, if she remembered that, and she did.
I had a very vivid dream when i was around 7 ( It seems that was the age when most of those things happened from about age 5-8) I was in a cave, and was in a bed..that was made OF of the Stone in the cave, the light was golden. And for some reason, i jumped up...something was wrong and i started running. Thats all i can remember of the dream, but it was SO REAL to me, that when i woke up.. i went into our kitchen, and for some reason, opened one of the cabinet doors, and looked inside, i crawled into the back of it, because i thought for some reason, i could get back to that cave. I've often dreamed of running, and running fast, then coming to a cliff, and jumping out ..and starting to fly...or running fast on the ground...and being able to jump, like...well..a tiger. 80)
So that is the reason i named this thread after Blakes poem. The first time i heard it, i was little...and almost started crying..it resonated within me... i didnt even know or hear ALL of the poem...im sure i was too young..all i remember are those words... tiger, tiger burning bright....in the forest of the night.... and it always reminded me of home.
I'm going to stop for now. This is emotionally / mentally exhausting and draining... I'll write more of my story tomorrow.
Any thoughts/ feelings/ idea's anyone might have are VERY welcome. There is so much more to my story... i wish i could make it shorter, but....
it all needs to be told. These things need to be written, and understood. There is urgency in the awakening...and the tasks at hand. This i know as truth. If it is My OWN truth, or that of mankind.. i am not sure. But here i am. I send u all love. Hopefully, i will finally find my life purpose by being here, and sharing my story.
Btw,...My name is Michele. I'm 37, and i am now living back in West Virginia, where i was born and raised. <3
Sweet Dreams to all~
Before i start, i would like to state that this is extremely hard for me to write this....it's scary..it is so personal. I am going to reveal things here, that i have not told anyone...some things i HAVE told people...only to find out that, it is not "normal". I made one post here before, and never came back until about 3 weeks ago..i stumbled on it again, im sure through a link while researching the Ra Material... Anyhow, I am back now, and i want to share my story with you all, and learn from you, and hopefully start sharing some of my light.
* Synchronicity *
The day i found this forum, I was at work and was outside, seeing the usual points of light in the sky, and wondered if anyone else saw them....then of course i go back to my desk and continue to read more people's stories, and there was the answer; yep. I'm not alone seeing the points of light. Not going blind, not going crazy. That was May 12th...of last year. At the time i was married, had been for 8 years...to a very abusive, negative man. When i tell you that you could not FIND a MORE negative person,...please believe me. When i went home that night ( of the 12th) i got the usual hate spewed towards me, and went into my bedroom, got out my purple velvet journal, that i very rarely use, and wrote the following:
Tonight i make peace with myself. I promise myself that i will move forwards no longer stuck in the quicksand of hate and evil that you bring into my life.
I promise my higher self that i will be true to me, to us, to God and to Love, to Light. I will forgive myself, i will love myself and be true to the infinite being that i am.
I will pray that the real ________________ awakens and begins the journey and the tasks that i came here to do.
I pray this night to receive my true name, and in that name i will see the goddess i am and remember what i was sent here to do. It will give me strength.
I bath in the wind ( *NOTE* the window was open, and as i laid there on my bed writing this.. i could feel... and taste the energy from that may wind blowing in) and call upon the One Creator to awaken me from my slumber. As above, So below. This is my Wish, so Mote it Be.
I never came back to this forum, I didnt go back to work...because my husband left that night, and drove back to Boston. I was happy, yet devastated..But as always, my prayers were indeed, answered. And you can't imagine the magick that i have witnessed ( light and dark) since that day.
*The Earliest Memories*
*Laying in my crib A very warm, dim, light on..and looking up to see 3 shadows. And i knew they were my family. There was some discussion about my bottle.
My mom verified that she did have a small lamp in my room, across from my crib. I don't know how to describe this to you, other than to say that... i remember, that i WOULD remember that moment. It's as if my adult mind was there for a brief moment. Does this make sense? This happened alot when i think about certain things i thought about as a child. Like, looking in the mirror...A LOT when i was younger ( 6 - 10 years old..sometimes even now)...and thinking..who are you? I could never relate to the image i saw in the mirror.
The homesickness. Laying in bed at night when i was around 6 or 7...looking at the stars through my window, and crying..feeling so alone. Asking my real family to please come get me. One night that i can remember i was feeling that way...and something happened...I believe they revealed themselves to me , im not sure if i was dreaming, or awake or in between... i think i got scared...and suddenly, i felt warm and loved..and i was with tigers. Laying with them, feeling their fur..and was told that i was here for a little while..someday i would transform, and would return back to my family. Thats the best i can remember. All i can tell you is, from that point on... i really, really...with all my heart believed that. Somehow i got it into my child mind it would happen when i was 18, Not sure if that's what THEY said, or what *i* wanted...but, i can not tell you HOW DISAPPOINTED I WAS ON MY 18TH BIRTHDAY!! LOL However, looking back on the year i DID turn 18... it was the starting point of my real spiritual awakening. I just didnt know it then.
Again, at age 5-7 When i was in the bathtub, it was not just when i would look up at the stars, and i would feel very homesick. It was overwhelming...and once i even went to my mother, and said to her " mommy, i'm homesick" and she said " but you ARE home". I asked her once, when i was older, about 22 yrs. old, if she remembered that, and she did.
I had a very vivid dream when i was around 7 ( It seems that was the age when most of those things happened from about age 5-8) I was in a cave, and was in a bed..that was made OF of the Stone in the cave, the light was golden. And for some reason, i jumped up...something was wrong and i started running. Thats all i can remember of the dream, but it was SO REAL to me, that when i woke up.. i went into our kitchen, and for some reason, opened one of the cabinet doors, and looked inside, i crawled into the back of it, because i thought for some reason, i could get back to that cave. I've often dreamed of running, and running fast, then coming to a cliff, and jumping out ..and starting to fly...or running fast on the ground...and being able to jump, like...well..a tiger. 80)
So that is the reason i named this thread after Blakes poem. The first time i heard it, i was little...and almost started crying..it resonated within me... i didnt even know or hear ALL of the poem...im sure i was too young..all i remember are those words... tiger, tiger burning bright....in the forest of the night.... and it always reminded me of home.
I'm going to stop for now. This is emotionally / mentally exhausting and draining... I'll write more of my story tomorrow.
Any thoughts/ feelings/ idea's anyone might have are VERY welcome. There is so much more to my story... i wish i could make it shorter, but....
it all needs to be told. These things need to be written, and understood. There is urgency in the awakening...and the tasks at hand. This i know as truth. If it is My OWN truth, or that of mankind.. i am not sure. But here i am. I send u all love. Hopefully, i will finally find my life purpose by being here, and sharing my story.
Btw,...My name is Michele. I'm 37, and i am now living back in West Virginia, where i was born and raised. <3
Sweet Dreams to all~