I have a somewhat different opinion here, but my belief evolution method is based on trial and error. It is very much based on heavy self-understanding paired with heavy self-doing to spark further understanding.
In my opinion, you haven't tried things that could help. You have tried a lot, but you've missed some very important and frankly non-esoteric/spiritual ways of dealing with red/orange/yellow. I've suggested before trying out new activities in life so you start to find something you love, trying to find activities where you start to value yourself and love yourself more, standing up to your mother, and socializing more in groups (meetup.com). From your op, I'm not sure you have tried these. These activities may or may not be helpful for you. I can only tell you they were essential to my journey, in combination with my belief work.
But I do think you need to surrender, but in a different way. You may want to surrender your restrictions on your change. The fact you haven't tried many things out there tells me that you haven't hit that rock bottom where people are ready to try anything to change - when I hit bottom I woulda worn a pink hat for a year if someone honestly believed it woulda solved my bdd. Up until then, I still had a preconceived notion of what form my recovery would take. I was probably a bit hostile to spiritual stuff cause of my mothers spiritual distortions.
It was only after I surrendered any idea of the form of my change and called out for help - did I start to see that the universe was suggesting change in ways that I'd never seriously considered before - ie spirituality. I let all resistance stop and surrendered to the idea that perhaps spiritual change was what was needed. Until you surrender your conception of what form your change will take, and start practicing that belief by trying lots of things, you're fighting and resisting change.
Perhaps you need to surrender all ideas of what form your change will take - perhaps your recovery will primarily be of a grounded, earthly nature in the activities I suggested above. Or perhaps not. But until you've surrendered the form of your change to the universe, and then begin listening and trying everything under sun, you can't say that you've tried it all.
In my opinion, you haven't tried things that could help. You have tried a lot, but you've missed some very important and frankly non-esoteric/spiritual ways of dealing with red/orange/yellow. I've suggested before trying out new activities in life so you start to find something you love, trying to find activities where you start to value yourself and love yourself more, standing up to your mother, and socializing more in groups (meetup.com). From your op, I'm not sure you have tried these. These activities may or may not be helpful for you. I can only tell you they were essential to my journey, in combination with my belief work.
But I do think you need to surrender, but in a different way. You may want to surrender your restrictions on your change. The fact you haven't tried many things out there tells me that you haven't hit that rock bottom where people are ready to try anything to change - when I hit bottom I woulda worn a pink hat for a year if someone honestly believed it woulda solved my bdd. Up until then, I still had a preconceived notion of what form my recovery would take. I was probably a bit hostile to spiritual stuff cause of my mothers spiritual distortions.
It was only after I surrendered any idea of the form of my change and called out for help - did I start to see that the universe was suggesting change in ways that I'd never seriously considered before - ie spirituality. I let all resistance stop and surrendered to the idea that perhaps spiritual change was what was needed. Until you surrender your conception of what form your change will take, and start practicing that belief by trying lots of things, you're fighting and resisting change.
Perhaps you need to surrender all ideas of what form your change will take - perhaps your recovery will primarily be of a grounded, earthly nature in the activities I suggested above. Or perhaps not. But until you've surrendered the form of your change to the universe, and then begin listening and trying everything under sun, you can't say that you've tried it all.
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