Tried Everything

[Jeremy]

Does surrendering mean doing nothing?
I've got lots to do at work.

I find it hard to surrender to things where I have to do something.
It almost seems counterintuitive.

I thought it was time for me to DO something. I've always BEEN.

No it means to give in to the moment and be where you are rather than always focused on the future or past or something "better". To surrender is to be where you are and to be fully accepting of that.

There's a Buddhist saying that goes, "Wash the dishes to wash the dishes." Being means doing things simply for the sake of doing them and because they are things to be done.

I agree it is time to do something, but what I mean by surrender is to focus on what you are doing while you are doing it, to live in the present moment. If you want unending bliss it can only be found in the present moment when you finally release your resistance to life and living in whatever form it takes whether it is at work or at home or in a forest.

You have to release your defiance towards your own life.

I think this part stood out most of all to me. I have been quite defiant in loving myself.

I don't think he's talking about defiance in loving yourself. He's talking about defiance of your life in general. Your lack of enjoyment or ability to find enjoyment, your confusion on how to deal with your mother, your job that you don't enjoy, yearning to be released from this illusion, etc.

If you can get to a point where you just give up, you might finally find enjoyment in life again. When I say give up, I mean give up wondering about all of these issues and give in to whatever reasons they exist. Also give in to the path that you have chosen for yourself. In this way, such defiance will have no place and a potential reason and purpose for it may become illuminated