What are you afraid of (spiritually)?

[Horuseus]

I fear that I wasted years of my life as a drug addict, giving me a 'late start' on my spiritual path.

I fear that I won't have time to fully understand and balance my pre-incarnative life lessons.

Well, it all depends on perspective. I would actually argue that your years as an 'addict' was part of your path and lessons. What did you learn from the experience? That was the purpose of it. Perhaps in the years to come by you may find yourself helping another who is in a similar situation, with your experience being vital in assisting and serving said individual. If you hadn't gone through those motions yourself, others may not have benefited from what you have to share. We tend not to realise at the time, but there is purpose to ones situation.

Often we go in at the 'deep end' so that when we do consciously realise a given programmed path, we accelerate towards the other end, often much faster than we would have done without such experiences in the first place. Someone who has experienced 'lack', is likely to be much more motivated and move quicker than someone who has always been comfortable in that respect.

Re the contact stuff. Honestly, I felt the same way initially. While not quite towards the ET phenomena, but seemingly needing actual to my face 'proof' that I was on the right track to validate it all. I have since realised that it takes much more strength, courage and faith to believe without the need for such proof. It's a rewarding experience, and you will find validation naturally comes when you do not actively seek it later on.

Look inwards rather than outwards, it's all there.