Wanting Our Own World

[Horuseus]

Was making my way through another of Seths' book, when I came across this. Seemed to correlate with your issue (When 'God' told you to do certain things).

One of the most rare (long pause) and extraordinary developments that can occur in schizophrenic behavior is the construction of a seeming superbeing of remarkable power – one who is able to convince other people of his divinity.

Most such instances historically have involved males, who claim to have the powers of clairvoyance, prophecy, and omnipotence. Obviously, then, the affected individual was thought to be speaking for God when he gave orders or directives. We are dealing with "god-making" (hyphen), or "religion-making" – whichever you prefer.

There's quite a bit there regarding Schizophrenia, the desire for suicide etc, so you may want to look into that for an external vantage point.