Going against higher self

[Confused]

It gives me the faith that something better awaits.

That is the most eloquent and deeply moving description of 'hope' that I have ever personally read.

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Is it possible to go against our higher self's wishes? When we feel bad, is it because we are out of line from our higher self? Does our higher self always want what's "best" for us? How can it know what's best for us? It doesn't answer every prayer I pray. Say I've given up on life, and wish to die. It happens more times than I care to admit. I find solace in these thoughts though. Because I'm not sure if the higher self will act. I'm not feeling like this at the moment. But the thought/desire comes up quite often.

Does the higher self forbid certain magical acts? I don't feel I am violating anyone's free will. I know I sound like a broken record, but I'm curious.

If I am my own higher self, who's to say my wishes aren't also the wishes of the higher self?

I think what keeps me here is not the lack of power of the higher self to do such an act, but that I love you all, and would sorely be missed. Plus my mom and dogs would miss me.

Also, what about something taboo? I've heard if we're congruent with our taboo, then it's ok.

36.7 Questioner: In that case my higher self would, shall we say, have a very large advantage in knowing precisely what was needed since it would know what… as far as I am concerned, what was going to happen. Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. This is incorrect, in that this would be an abrogation of free will. The higher self aspect is aware of the lessons learned through the sixth density. The progress rate is fairly well understood. The choices which must be made to achieve the higher self as it is are in the provenance of the mind/body/spirit complex itself.

Thus the higher self is like the map in which the destination is known; the roads are very well known, these roads being designed by intelligent infinity working through intelligent energy. However, the higher self aspect can program only for the lessons and certain predisposing limitations if it wishes. The remainder is completely the free choice of each entity. There is the perfect balance between the known and the unknown.

Confusing the map for the territory may be part of the problems that we face in terms of dealing with our higher self. I must admit, I have had no conscious experience of dealing with the higher self. Like you, I have prayed and meditated upon the higher self, but have received no tangible answer that I am aware of.