Going against higher self

[AnthroHeart]

Is it possible to go against our higher self's wishes? When we feel bad, is it because we are out of line from our higher self? Does our higher self always want what's "best" for us? How can it know what's best for us? It doesn't answer every prayer I pray. Say I've given up on life, and wish to die. It happens more times than I care to admit. I find solace in these thoughts though. Because I'm not sure if the higher self will act. I'm not feeling like this at the moment. But the thought/desire comes up quite often.

Does the higher self forbid certain magical acts? I don't feel I am violating anyone's free will. I know I sound like a broken record, but I'm curious.

If I am my own higher self, who's to say my wishes aren't also the wishes of the higher self?

I think what keeps me here is not the lack of power of the higher self to do such an act, but that I love you all, and would sorely be missed. Plus my mom and dogs would miss me.

Also, what about something taboo? I've heard if we're congruent with our taboo, then it's ok.