05-12-2014, 06:34 PM
Hello everyone! It seems my name popped up a few times in this discussion and since I'm being talked about, since my marriage and finances have also been mentioned, I thought I'd drop by and share my perspective...
Tackling the very hot topic of work, I am in agreement with xise who posted his opinion very eloquently before me. Although working a job is a societal requirement, ideally I believe this constraint should not be imposed on anyone who does not wish to work. I would extend this to any obligation someone would not feel comfortable fulfilling, including supporting another financially, having and raising children, getting married, or even concepts as simple as social etiquette. If someone is pained by the accomplishment of a task, my belief is that they should be given the time to sort through their feelings and thoughts, and come to their own conclusion as to whether they really desire to do the task at hand or not. Because of the social structure we humans have built for ourselves however, we are taught to overlook our feelings and proceed forward, even if sometimes we are hurting ourselves in the process.
Now, just to be clear, what I advocate is compassion, a compassion which would translate in accepting people as they are and giving them the time and space they require to find themselves. I for one believe most people, when given the option, would not stay idle for very long; people have dreams, people have desires, and they wish to fulfill them. Most, if not all, the people I have met who did not want to work a job or who desired to escape on a vacation did so because they felt constrained by the responsibilities they felt were imposed on them by society/family/friends/etc. The key question I ask when I meet someone who experiences this type of distortion is the following: "If money wasn't an issue, what would you do?"
To this question I sometimes get as an answer like "I'd just lay on a beach" which would translate to some as "nothing", but I would argue instead, from experience, that the person usually desires to rest and regain their energy after going through tough times. And so I press on: "When you've rested, what would you do?" and this is when the person's core desires emerge. I have heard many things, many beautiful projects ranging from starting a small business to building houses, doing art, writing books and even start-up ideas that would help their locality. I have yet to hear "I'd work in an office from 9-5, that's my thing!". And so it's no wonder people are bitter by the time they reach their 30s-40s; they feel strained and they feel they must constantly refrain from pursuing their desires. They are told their dreams are unrealistic and/or that following their heart would be selfish. These people, oh so many people, have had their spirit crushed... a remarkable catalyst, truly.
Looking at myself within this world, after having worked part-time jobs from age 15 to 22, after having realized throughout the years that I could not sustain if I worked a 9-5 job, I personally chose to follow my heart; at 22, as soon as I had graduated from university, I handed my resignation letter to my boss at Apple retail and pursued the life of a freelance designer and artist. It's a high risk job when you have little experience and a big heart; you want to help everyone and thus, charge little. You get hurt, you learn, you stand up and give it another try. You don't stop because your heart sings when it does what it wants to do; for me it's helping people, sharing with them and creating things. For another it could be teaching, writing a children's novel, building houses or starting a business. The best thing is that although the road is perilous, what people I've encounter desire is usually possible within the limits of our society. It's just risky, scary even. It's a leap of faith; it's often the biggest leap of faith someone will have to take.
With Immanuel, how could I not support him when I seek the same freedom? How could I not support someone whose dream is to write books and inspire people to think when I strive to do the same with my art? How could I force someone to get a 9-5 job when I have gone through 7 years of study-work to come to the conclusion that, although I learned many skills and have no regrets whatsoever, it did not truly make me happy? How could I force someone to go through that if they've already learned from their own short experiences that their happiness lays elsewhere?
And so, I told my husband I will continue doing what I do and try to support us as much as I can. Were I alone I would have to pay rent, bills and taxes anyway; with you, the only added cost is food, toiletries and activities. I cannot afford much because I am currently at an unstable place, the nature of my work at this early stage of my life being volatile, shaped by peaks of stable income which can falter as quickly as they come, but I will always share my table, my bed and my life with you. I will always value your freedom as much as I value my own.
That is my experience. My perspective isn't perfect and it isn't the only one. But it is my own and it works for me at this time. When I am unsure, I look at my heart and the answer is always there, bright and clear once I have cleaned up the clutter made out of fears and doubts.
Finally, although I have never used this social service, I personally have no issue with people who are on welfare; may they use my tax money to rest and find themselves. If they believe they will find themselves through sitting at home watching TV, so be it; it is their right and I do not feel any bitter about it. I know they are usually in poor conditions (welfare here barely covers the cost of rent and some food) and judging them would not do them (or myself) any service. My only wish is that one day they find the happiness they seek, the happiness we truly all seek.
Voilà, my two cents
Tackling the very hot topic of work, I am in agreement with xise who posted his opinion very eloquently before me. Although working a job is a societal requirement, ideally I believe this constraint should not be imposed on anyone who does not wish to work. I would extend this to any obligation someone would not feel comfortable fulfilling, including supporting another financially, having and raising children, getting married, or even concepts as simple as social etiquette. If someone is pained by the accomplishment of a task, my belief is that they should be given the time to sort through their feelings and thoughts, and come to their own conclusion as to whether they really desire to do the task at hand or not. Because of the social structure we humans have built for ourselves however, we are taught to overlook our feelings and proceed forward, even if sometimes we are hurting ourselves in the process.
Now, just to be clear, what I advocate is compassion, a compassion which would translate in accepting people as they are and giving them the time and space they require to find themselves. I for one believe most people, when given the option, would not stay idle for very long; people have dreams, people have desires, and they wish to fulfill them. Most, if not all, the people I have met who did not want to work a job or who desired to escape on a vacation did so because they felt constrained by the responsibilities they felt were imposed on them by society/family/friends/etc. The key question I ask when I meet someone who experiences this type of distortion is the following: "If money wasn't an issue, what would you do?"
To this question I sometimes get as an answer like "I'd just lay on a beach" which would translate to some as "nothing", but I would argue instead, from experience, that the person usually desires to rest and regain their energy after going through tough times. And so I press on: "When you've rested, what would you do?" and this is when the person's core desires emerge. I have heard many things, many beautiful projects ranging from starting a small business to building houses, doing art, writing books and even start-up ideas that would help their locality. I have yet to hear "I'd work in an office from 9-5, that's my thing!". And so it's no wonder people are bitter by the time they reach their 30s-40s; they feel strained and they feel they must constantly refrain from pursuing their desires. They are told their dreams are unrealistic and/or that following their heart would be selfish. These people, oh so many people, have had their spirit crushed... a remarkable catalyst, truly.
Looking at myself within this world, after having worked part-time jobs from age 15 to 22, after having realized throughout the years that I could not sustain if I worked a 9-5 job, I personally chose to follow my heart; at 22, as soon as I had graduated from university, I handed my resignation letter to my boss at Apple retail and pursued the life of a freelance designer and artist. It's a high risk job when you have little experience and a big heart; you want to help everyone and thus, charge little. You get hurt, you learn, you stand up and give it another try. You don't stop because your heart sings when it does what it wants to do; for me it's helping people, sharing with them and creating things. For another it could be teaching, writing a children's novel, building houses or starting a business. The best thing is that although the road is perilous, what people I've encounter desire is usually possible within the limits of our society. It's just risky, scary even. It's a leap of faith; it's often the biggest leap of faith someone will have to take.
With Immanuel, how could I not support him when I seek the same freedom? How could I not support someone whose dream is to write books and inspire people to think when I strive to do the same with my art? How could I force someone to get a 9-5 job when I have gone through 7 years of study-work to come to the conclusion that, although I learned many skills and have no regrets whatsoever, it did not truly make me happy? How could I force someone to go through that if they've already learned from their own short experiences that their happiness lays elsewhere?
And so, I told my husband I will continue doing what I do and try to support us as much as I can. Were I alone I would have to pay rent, bills and taxes anyway; with you, the only added cost is food, toiletries and activities. I cannot afford much because I am currently at an unstable place, the nature of my work at this early stage of my life being volatile, shaped by peaks of stable income which can falter as quickly as they come, but I will always share my table, my bed and my life with you. I will always value your freedom as much as I value my own.
That is my experience. My perspective isn't perfect and it isn't the only one. But it is my own and it works for me at this time. When I am unsure, I look at my heart and the answer is always there, bright and clear once I have cleaned up the clutter made out of fears and doubts.
Finally, although I have never used this social service, I personally have no issue with people who are on welfare; may they use my tax money to rest and find themselves. If they believe they will find themselves through sitting at home watching TV, so be it; it is their right and I do not feel any bitter about it. I know they are usually in poor conditions (welfare here barely covers the cost of rent and some food) and judging them would not do them (or myself) any service. My only wish is that one day they find the happiness they seek, the happiness we truly all seek.
Voilà, my two cents
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