Passing the time

[xise]

I have a real aversion to meditation (the kind where you sit and focus on the breath) and I'm not sure why. I've been trying on and off for a little while now but no luck. The thought of doing it makes me really restless and uneasy.

Early on in my exploration of meditation (prior to finding the Law of One material), I experienced what you are describing - I was totally restless and uneasy. My mother has meditated for 1.5 hours a day for 15 years, so she encouraged me to continue meditating. At the time, I was meditating (or trying to meditate) for about 1 hour three times a week.


After about two months of that, it was like a reservoir broke. All that tension and restless energy left my body during a meditation and was replaced by a surge of orgasmic energy along my energy centers. It felt as if a great burden had been lifted from me. This provided temporarily relief to many of my issues. The temporary relief also seemed to let me view my issues from a new perspective. I was able to use contemplation and actively try out new beliefs and find new balance. There also might have been deeper information downloads during some of these mediations - I don't know. Lots of violet crown twirls. This all occurred right around the time I found the Law of One material.


I believe the restlessness and uneasiness came from my imbalanced distortions energetically surfacing during my meditation by virtue of my suppression system letting it's guard down. No more was my mind stuffing my issues back into the deep recesses of my mind - I was facing it, energetically and emotionally, here and now. In my experience, as things come out of the subconcious mind, they do not all come out at once - sometimes I get the raw emotions without the imbalanced belief itself coming to light, or sometimes vice versa. Both elements were important for me to work through. As I became more and more balanced, that surge of orgasmic energy is less present, but it's almost as if a 1/100 diffuse version of that is constantly running through my body, as long as I meditate every few days (well it might continue to be there, I just happened to have meditated at least weekly for the past 2 years). It makes me naturally not want to drink more than 1 drink because the alcohol seems to make that feeling go away.


These days, I still occasionally feel restlessness, primarily of two types. One sort of restlessness is when I've been stressed and haven't meditated - this type is similar to the initial restlessness I felt. The meditation serves to release that tension; of course ultimately it's an imbalanced belief that is causing the stress in the first place so I always look for cause to balance. The other sort of restlessness is when I've been meditating for long time (either 1.5 hrs+ if I haven't meditated in a few days, or if I'm doing daily meditations 45 mins+); I start to feel full of energy, like an overcharged battery. It should be noted that I tend to focus on running energy up and down for the first 10-15 minutes of my meditations consciously, and so perhaps I am actively overcharging myself during these sessions. Or perhaps it's another wall of some sort I've yet to break through, I don't know. But it is definitely different than the restlessness from being stressed.


It should also be noted that meditation seems to also activate a super-sleeping on a problem effect for me - that is, when I contemplated something, enter a deep meditation with the initial intent of figuring things out, I gain insight usually within a few hours of the meditation as if I've slept on an issue, presumably from something emerging from my subconscious. I am by no means an expert on meditation but I wanted to share my experiences. It's still something I'm exploring. I find the veil to start breaking down the more and more frequently I meditate, so it can definitely be an interesting thing to do.


And in my opinion, mediation is a lot like exercise. You start doing it, or do it less than weekly, it'll be hard and painful most likely. But if you get into meditation shape by doing it at least two serious sessions biweekly for 1-2 months, I'm betting that you'll be amazed at what you see.