(01-26-2014, 06:04 PM)Tanner Wrote: I feel like I am having difficulties opening up to the idea of being part of something and having any kind of influence or presence in a social sense and that is why I may be reverting to orange ray blockages with regards to the establishment of my personal identity in this world. It seems I keep trying to change my identity in order to try and fit it to the world, rather than just giving the world that which I am and this is indeed an issue with vulnerability. When I was younger I was very fearful because of what I perceived in myself as the intention to bring greater good in to the world and I believed this would be at the cost of free will of others and I felt that I would get a lot of angry, negative reactions towards me for it. Indeed, I was, in ways, somewhat cast out of the social group I had been a part of at this time and maybe that is why I am so reluctant now to enter in to the social arena again.
God knows I'm no where close to an authority on blue ray, but I find it's better to drop small windows of comments in my conversation (very small ones) with all sorts of everyday people when my spiritual/philosophical beliefs are relevant to an issue in discussion. Usually the windows are so small that purposefully they will only entice a person who is already curious about the subject to open it further, but a small enough window that someone who is not interested in those topics won't even feel like you're hinting at another topic.
It's a tightrope, but it seems to be more satisfying to me that suppressing myself completely, or making the other person feel uncomfortable due to overt discussion of these concepts or even a blatant allusion to them. (In my experience, many people are uncomfortable with philosophical-spiritual topics, probably because extremely distorted religions have hijacked most of the public discussion regarding many of these concepts).
It's less about me being afraid of showing who I am, because now that I'm pretty comfortable with who I am, I don't need to flash it all the time. And I totally respect and accept people's choice to be asleep - my service to them is to aid in the comforts of sleeping!
That being said, I am afraid when it comes to dating as to when the appropriate time to open up the discussion of these topics, but I'm sure if I meet someone I want to seriously date I know it'll feel right to share these concepts at the appropriate time.