Depersonalization Disorder

[Parsons]

I am starting to wonder if my recent panic attacks are a manifestation of my normal lack of feeling emotion. Since I suppress the emotion of aniexty so often, it could be like an emergency pressure release being tripped.

That sounds reasonable.

Curious, why do you suppress your anxiety?

It is a defense mechanism. Just before / during my awakening, I was extremely depressed and full of anxiety which kept piling up. The anxiety was literally killing me as I was becoming suicidal.

I just switched to a better paying, yet more stressful job recently. Also, there is a lot other stressful catalyst being thrown at me right now. I hypothesize this could be catalyst designed to make me realize this not a healthy defense/coping mechanism and I need lesson the stranglehold it has over me.

Edit: Double synchronicity just as I finished the second paragraph; it was 1:11 and this song came on shuffle:

---

Perhaps the key is that people can channel their emotional energy into something else that results in conditions like panic d/o. Likely, the prevailing belief around emotional experience is that it is unsafe or undesirable. Thus such risk of experiencing one's emotion will result in avoidance. However we cannot run from our emotions so we will experience it some way e.g., anxiety/panic attacks, somatisization (e.g., feeling physically ill) and so forth. The catalyst will show up in ways a person is most likely able to handle. So in essence any mental health condition could be a signal from self that catalyst needs attending.

Sounds about right.