Depersonalization Disorder

[meowll]

Assess why you dislike it. Why do you dislike it? Do you think other people feel more alive? Why? Aren't we all just robots in a robotic pattern of matter ?

What if I told you I have the same "disorder"

You seam pretty incarnated to me haha.

It's uncomfortable because I feel detached from my body, like I'm an automaton, and from the outer reality which lacks depth, I see it as two-dimensional. It's like my thinking is separate from my feeling self, I know I'm leading this existence right now, but I can't feel it, I'm directionless. It makes concentration difficult, I can't stand any artificial lights because they make the environment look more unreal and it's generally pretty bad when it comes to daily living, I can't really explain, it's like I'm a spectator to this life, watching the show and not understanding anything because I'm isolated somewhere in between here and another place. It's disquieting. I don't remember how it used to feel not to have this (I can't relive it in my memory), but I know it was different, I felt alive. I think most people have a distinct sense of self and can relate to the environment as something real, while I can't. I feel like I'm not really here, like I could disappear in any second. To some extent we're all robots in a pattern of matter, but what I feel is that I'm not really part of the pattern.

I often get the feeling that nothing around me is real. I remember and, to a certain degree, can still perceive an existence that makes every color on this planet look dead, every note flat and every "big important thing" so trivial that I can't manage more than a bitter laugh at the state of my own existence. The more I have accessed this perception, the more this personality feels like a too-tight set of clothes that I am straining to get out of. Limiting myself to such a narrow, arbitrary set of characteristics causes me grief, yet it seems an inevitable process, as individuation is necessary to do work in 3D. I simply cannot help wearing this suit that is Brittany. I can sense my infinite self but cannot fully touch it. I can vividly visualize worlds where living isn't hard at all, yet my feet are still grounded in this cold, hard world that often seems like a cheap paper backdrop I'd like to break through. Resorting to escapism has only resulted in delusional behavior that reaps no benefit, so mostly it just manifests as a dull sense of depression every waking moment of my life.

If I knew how to "cure" this feeling I would certainly share it with you. Perhaps knowing you aren't alone could help a bit, though.

I think the problem is integrating these two existences, the higher plane and the 3D one? In my case, I think I should become fully grounded before I can perceive that other existence that you're talking about, otherwise I would just become more unstable. I understand how you feel, for me it's like I'm homesick for a place I've never been to (or I don't recall having been to). Thank you for sharing, it sure does help to know I'm not alone.

Or maybe ss I expressed it once or twice: "Voluntary multinonpersonality".

To me it sounds like the same thing, though.

See no real problems with it but I've 'had it' as long as I can remember (3-4 years, childhood). I don't particularly agree on all the points presented as I believe there are more cases which 'suffer' from this 'ailment' than 'old souls'.

There are cases when people start feeling like this after drug use or after a traumatic event in their life, or when something disrupts their sense of self. I think these are different, though- when people learn to accept the event that triggered their depersonalization, they might come back to how they were before. But there are some people that feel this way without any reason (from this life), then I imagine it's a spiritual cause more than a psychological one.

I've experienced sensations similar to what people have described in this thread as long as I can remember. (For myself at least), I have completely narrowed down the reason for this sensation.

1) This experience is extremely harsh compared to what I am used to. The catalyst on this planet at this timing is almost unbearable.

2) This experience is extremely similar to a massively multiplayer online game. I am merely inhabiting a physical vehicle. I am a non-physical being in my 'natural' state. I chose to have this experience.

The latter reason is the primary reason I am still here. This may be entirely illusion, but I decided to play by these rules. I know there is a veil which prevents(hinders?) making my purpose for incarnating here clear. I must assume the reasons I incarnated are proportional to harshness of catalyst, otherwise I wouldn't be here.

To compensate for this, I fall back on remaining as emotionally detached as possible as a defensive mechanism in the face of intense catalyst. Or sometimes I take on a persona or react in a way that I am not really feeling, but think will be able to better cope with the situation.

Furthermore, I simply retreat into various distractions or simply my own head as a coping mechanism (escapism).

To counteract this tendency, I have tried meditation, being in the present moment as much as possible, and positive thinking in the face of situations where I used to have a pessimistic outlook. I also view my emotional detachment as a serious imbalance and try to not completely mute my emotions in every situation. This has done a great deal of good but it is a constant upstream struggle.

I feel very gracious for being able to co-miserate (if your pardon the term) with others with a similar awareness.

The more I have accessed this perception, the more this personality feels like a too-tight set of clothes that I am straining to get out of. Limiting myself to such a narrow, arbitrary set of characteristics causes me grief, yet it seems an inevitable process, as individuation is necessary to do work in 3D. I simply cannot help wearing this suit that is Brittany.

I think this song was written for people with this perception; we wear various personalities/archetypes (suits) to deal with catalysts in this illusion:

So you're suggesting that the current existence is harsher than what you've previously went through, or than the one you lead as a non-physical body? And what do you think the reasons for this difficulty in adaptation could be? A higher awareness, maybe? I agree with your perspective and it also sounds like a good reason to keep moving forward, in hope that we'll find out the purpose of this incarnation sometime.

I found that escapism only makes it worse, even though it's comfortable, but I don't always feel like interacting with the environment and being present, so I get lost in myself often, too. I'm working on it and it's getting better, though. I've tried meditating, but it usually just leaves me feeling more disconnected from the world. However, it quiets my mind. Yoga works better for me when it comes to grounding. And a positive outlook works wonders, though it always feels like a distraction, like I'm not going to the root cause of this, but only finding remedies for its effects- sadness, anger, anxiety. But that's a great improvement too, I suppose, in lack of anything else.