11-03-2013, 06:16 PM
I often get the feeling that nothing around me is real. I remember and, to a certain degree, can still perceive an existence that makes every color on this planet look dead, every note flat and every "big important thing" so trivial that I can't manage more than a bitter laugh at the state of my own existence. The more I have accessed this perception, the more this personality feels like a too-tight set of clothes that I am straining to get out of. Limiting myself to such a narrow, arbitrary set of characteristics causes me grief, yet it seems an inevitable process, as individuation is necessary to do work in 3D. I simply cannot help wearing this suit that is Brittany. I can sense my infinite self but cannot fully touch it. I can vividly visualize worlds where living isn't hard at all, yet my feet are still grounded in this cold, hard world that often seems like a cheap paper backdrop I'd like to break through. Resorting to escapism has only resulted in delusional behavior that reaps no benefit, so mostly it just manifests as a dull sense of depression every waking moment of my life.
If I knew how to "cure" this feeling I would certainly share it with you. Perhaps knowing you aren't alone could help a bit, though.
If I knew how to "cure" this feeling I would certainly share it with you. Perhaps knowing you aren't alone could help a bit, though.