A question concerning the negative polarity

[AnthroHeart]

Yours is surely a tough assignment. I wish you continued maturation and growth.

It pushed me to the edge of contemplating suicide. Not just having passing thoughts like I do now. But I said to myself "that won't solve anything". And I believed it. I know what it feels like to be possessed by my own free will. As soon as I no longer made it my will, with the help of meds, all the symptoms stopped. This means though that I can't do any magical working because of the meds interfering with my indigo ray, and possibly my heart rays. That's why I use shows like Care Bears to build my heart chakra. I can't think of a more positive show.

Lately I've thought of strange ways of dying, like jumping out of my truck while I'm driving down the highway next to some big rigs. But they are just passing thoughts. I think Care Bear magic is more powerful. I just mainly fight boredom. Meditation doesn't seem to work too well for me. So I spend time nowadays watching shows that enlighten me and working.